Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

5 Surprising Rules You Need To Understand About Online Dating

Love

If you're trying to meet "the one" online,there are some vital things men need you to understand.

Something I’ve realized recently, is that a lot of women just don’t get how online dating works. I’ve been doing a ton of research and interviews lately about Tinder, Match.com, Zoosk, and a few others.

In fact, as we speak I’m creating a brand new program for women all about how to succeed in online dating. It seems women have no idea how to attract men online and it makes no sense. So let me try to help you today.

Here are 5 things you need to understand about men and dating online, if you’re ever going to meet Mr. Right on the Internet.

1. Men are visual - That doesn’t mean that your looks are everything, but unless we can see who you are and who we’re talking to, we won’t respond. It’s that simple. With that in mind, what’s the point in having some clever quote as your main picture?

Why is a picture of your dog your dating profile picture?

Why do you lead with a photo of you and your kid?

First of all, you’re out of your mind to be putting a photo of your kid on an online dating site anyway. You don’t want random people seeing your kid. It’s crazy. There are so many crazy people out there. Never put your children at risk like that just to try to attract men.

2. Men assume you look like your photo - Men are very simple creatures. When you put up a photo on a dating site, we assume that’s what you really look like. Don’t put photos of when you were 20 years younger and a bikini model, and don’t put pictures of you in a crowd of people.

If you go on Tinder where guys slide the screen left or right to say whether they find you attractive, what do you think will happen if your photo is of a dog, of you in fancy dress, or some artsy photo?

That’s right. We’re going to pass you by. Again, looks aren’t everything and we do want something deeper with you, but your photo is the first thing that gets our attention. Think of it this way. You wouldn’t buy a house just because it looks nice from the outside, but the outside is what makes you want to look around inside. Get it?

3. Your picture is everything - This isn’t a travel brochure. We don’t need to see you in the distance on a beach, hang gliding, jumping into water, or anything else like that. We want to see what you look like.

There should be four very clear photos that accurately show who you are. You should have a beautiful picture of your smile and face, a full body picture, and then a couple of other recent shots.

4. Putting a picture of you with your hot friend is a bad idea - You’re not trying to get dates for your friend. You’re trying to get dates for yourself!

Don’t put a photo of you and your glamorous friend, because men are easily distracted. You need to get us hooked before you start introducing us to your hot friends. Until we’re addicted to you, we only have visuals to go on. Unless you want men to start emailing asking who your friend is, stick to the solo photos.

5. Online dating is harder for men - You need to understand how online dating works from a man’s perspective. Most men don’t get responses from the women they email, so they’re constantly sending tons of messages out.

Most guys will email as many women as they can. They have no other choice. Most women don’t respond so they throw as wide a net as possible to see if one of you comes back to them. Who do you think they’re going to email first?

That’s right. They’re going to contact women in the order they find them the most attractive. Who do you think they’ll message first, the smiling blonde with pretty green eyes, or the Golden Retriever with a bone hanging out its mouth?

You need to change the way you think about attracting men online. Your only job when you join an online dating site is to generate leads. That’s it. The more leads you generate, and the more interested men you can get messaging you, the more chance you have of digging your way to a guy you're attracted to.

Lose the pictures of your dog. Lose your favorite life quote. Lose the artsy picture. We’ll find out about your personality on your bio. We’ll find out you love creating art when we talk to you on the phone. We’ll learn your favorite quote when we meet in person.

Online dating whether it’s on Tinder, OKCupid, or Zoosk, is just a lead generation system. You’re selling to men, and men are visual. We love looking at pictures, and if your lead picture is a winner, we’ll want to find out more about you.

Get with it Ladies. You’re not marketing to each other. You’re marketing to men. It’s amazing how many women don’t get that.

From our Partners

Explore YourTango

MOST POPULAR