Guess what ... you're BOTH already taken! Snap out of it.
The scary thing is that it's happening more than we think. Married women getting involved with married men. Deeply involved. Entangled, even. And then the man drops off. He stops contacting his mistress, he goes back to his wife and kids. Instead of going back to her own marriage, she wonders what she did wrong.
This situation makes me sick to my stomach when clients come to me for advice. When married couples cheat, not one that I take lightly or enjoy dealing with. My reaction is in my gut: it's wrong and heartbreaking to see two people throw their separate lives away for each other over a fling.
That's all it really is, and you know it. It's a fling. These three reasons are extremely clear to me, but for some reason not clear to the ones hurting themselves and others.
1. You're destroying not just one, but TWO families.
You've been secretly seeing a married man for a while now, maybe even years. Where does your husband fit in this picture? You’ve lied to your husband. You’ve stolen time he could have with someone who loved him. He might have started a family or discovered a new career.
Instead he's trapped in a loveless relationship with someone who doesn’t respect him enough to tell him the truth. What about your lovers' kids? Did you think about them? Don’t you think this would destroy them? Wouldn’t it hurt them to learn that their father was unfaithful?
2. If you're taking pride in your affair, you need to snap out of it.
Maybe you think your lover deserves better, that you're better than his own wife could ever be. Maybe you even feel sorry for her.
Don't you understand how pathetic that is? You can't make your relationship with this married man, or even your own marriage, better if you constantly compare yourself to others. You're using this affair to boost your own ego. People are not your own vanity plates. Stop playing with others lives.
3. You’re to self-absorbed to see this man doesn't really love you.
The man you're cheating with? He does not love you. You can't make him fall in love with you. On a subconscious level you must know this is true. You compare yourself to his wife because of your own insecurities. You are oblivious.
If he's stopped contacting you, if he's tried to reconnect to his wife, let him do that. This was just an affair, so let it end. Go back to your own husband. You need to respect that this man has made the smart choice, and decided to save his family. Move on. You need to get some help.
I’m not saying this to be cruel. I’m saying this because as despicable as your actions have been, you don’t need to be defined by them. You should seek therapy, or look into a life coach, or talk to a friend, anything just so long as you get help.
If you were unhappy in your marriage you could have filed for divorce. There’s a reason you’re more comfortable lying for seven years instead of ending things. You’re hurting your husband, whether he knows or not, and you’re unable to see that this man is no longer in love with you.
You need to be honest with your husband. If you don’t love him set him free. You don’t have to be a cheat. You don’t have to be someone’s mistress. You could be single and meeting great guys. Maybe all you want is sex. That’s fine.
But when you lie and cheat, when you don’t live an authentic life you’re hurting yourself, too. I hope you read this. I hope you get yourself together because right now, you’re a mess.
You need to clean yourself up.