You're sitting opposite this hot guy on a date, but how can you tell he's not just after sex?
It's a new year, and I want 2014 to be the year you find love!
Now, we all know dating can be a frustrating game. You keep running into players and men that won't commit. You're tired of dating guys who disappear off the face of the earth once you sleep with them. We've all been down that road. You just want a mature, confident, passionate guy to share your life with. Who doesn't? So, how can I help you find love this year?
Let's start with 3 simple ways you can screen men on dates. Ditch the players before you get too involved. Man-boys beware!
1. Make Questions Your Friend
The quickest way to get to know a man on a first date is to throw plenty of questions out there. But don't make it sound like an interrogation. You want to get him talking about himself. Just don't turn into David Letterman, because guys don't want to feel like their date is interviewing them. And don't make the first question, "Are you the marrying kind?"
The thing with men is we tend to retreat when we think you're interrogating us. You need to ask questions, but space them out and use them in moderation. If you put him under pressure, he'll start backing into his shell or give generic answers — you don't want either of those. Remember you want to get to know the real him, not the version he thinks you want.
2. Make Him Talk First
When men go on a first date they become salesmen. They're desperate to sell themselves to you, and they'll do whatever necessary to win you over. A great way to make sure you're getting an honest version of him is to make sure you get him to reveal more about himself before you do.
Don't give too much information about yourself too quickly. Why? Because men will start to agree with and mimic everything you say. If you give him too much to work with, he'll figure out exactly what you want from a man, and he'll portray that image to you. You don't want that. I know it's hard to hold back from talking about yourself too much. It's even harder when you're attracted to the guy. Deep down you really want to tell him about your two kids and a house in the sticks fantasy. Hold back!
Another reason you don't want to go overboard with your life-story is most men aren't keen on women who constantly talk about themselves. It's all about give and take, you want to be equal parts. Ask a question, get some information from him, and then react and give your own story.
3. Ask "The Giveaway" Questions
There are two questions that give you a MASSIVE clue about your date's true intentions. The first question is, "Can you see yourself settling down one day?" Look closely at his reaction. If he's just after sex he'll probably get a little twitchy at this point. He'll probably say something like, "Um possibly. I mean, if I meet the right woman or something."
You might also notice his voice tone changes and goes up a tone or two. This is another sign he's not looking for anything long-term. He could ask you the question back so be ready with an answer. I'd avoid telling him how you can't wait to meet and marry your Disney prince at this point!
The second giveaway question you need to ask is, "What’s your perfect weekend?" Pay attention to the words he uses in his answer. A man who wants to settle down will start with something about how he’d be with his girlfriend. He’ll talk about having breakfast in bed, and then doing something together.
He'll drop in the cool little things couples do together. A guy who's just looking for fun will describe a weekend where his "girlfriend" only shows up halfway through. He'll talk about going out with friends, going to the gym, then meeting up with his girlfriend to catch a movie or dinner. You see the difference?
When he's a player, the girlfriend isn't with him the whole weekend. She doesn’t turn up until Saturday night or something. This is a clear sign he just wants to get laid. This question is invaluable so you need to listen very carefully to what he’s saying at this point. Players give themselves away every time with this one!
These 3 little screening techniques can tell you a ton about a guy's intentions for you. It's about listening carefully, and noticing the little details. So ladies, use these tips wisely, and remember I'm on your side. I've always been on your side, and together I think we can make 2014 a great year for you!
More dating advice on Yourtango:
- 25 Date Night Ideas That Aren't Cheesy
- 8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know
- 10 Dating Tips I Wish I'd Followed While I Was Single