I'm about to introduce you to the power of future pacing, and 2 other vital keys to happiness.
I want you to be present with me right now. Stop what you're doing, and don't try to multi-task. Put down your phone (unless you're reading this on your phone!) and give me your full attention for the next few minutes. I want to teach you the power of future pacing. And I want to teach it to you in the context of the three key ingredients all successful new relationships have.
What are these magic ingredients to a great relationship?
Ingredient Number 1—Forgive and Embrace Every Lesson From Your Past You must allow yourself to forgive anyone who has ever hurt you in previous relationships. You must embrace your past and wield it into a beautiful story of positivity. This is the first vital step in having a great relationship, because it means you've accepted yourself and taken full responsibility for everything in your past. You're no longer carrying the burden of anger, and you don't blame anyone for mistakes they made in the past. You're now a fully evolved human being.
Ingredient Number 2—Live In The Present All you have is the present moment. Right now, look around you. Life is happening all around. How present you are is how much of life you're allowing yourself to experience. The only thing you should be doing right now is focusing on this blog. I don't care if a text went off; I don't care if the phone rang.
Right now, it's you and me! You and me on this blog right now. Having a virtual conversation. Me talking to you through your eyes. When you focus on the present moment like that with someone, you're able to connect with them on a much deeper level. Every great relationship works because both partners are present. When you're sitting across from a guy, you should do nothing but listen to him—take him in, take in his energy, take in his essence and learn about him.
When you're 100% present, magic happens because you're not worrying about the past, and you're not planning the future. You're just enjoying the beautiful moment being created by two people.
That's when a relationship starts to blossom in front of you, and that's when all of a sudden the guy opposite you becomes beautiful, becomes amazing and becomes someone you want to enjoy ingredient three with!
Ingredient Number 3—The Power Of Future Pacing Most people don't know how to future pace. When you're 100% present with someone, you're connecting on an incredibly deep level, and you realize this person is someone you want to grow with, you can acknowledge it by future pacing.
Future pacing is where you start to talk in future terms. For example, you might say something like, "Next month we should go to.." Or, "When the weather starts getting better I'd love to take you to..".
You talk about things a month or two in the future. What it does is validates all the beautiful feelings you're sharing with that person. You're showing them you're 100% present with them, and you want to get to know them. You have to show guys your intent. It makes us feel secure. Future pacing is all about making each other feel secure. You see, when you sit opposite a guy feeling all these amazing feelings, he's feeling them too, but he's also wondering, "Is this real? Does she really like me? Will this go anywhere?"
Guys want to know. They want some kind of indication things are going well. Future pacing is a great way to do this without being direct. Of course, guys should future pace too, and if you're lucky enough to be with an emotionally evolved man, he'll know how to do this.
One word of caution about future pacing: Don't go too far into the future. Talk a few weeks or maybe a couple of months at the most ahead of time. You don't want to jump right into naming your unborn children after a few dates, ya know?
Future pacing is a beautiful part of being present with someone, and a vital ingredient for a successful transition from dating into relationship. So, forgive your past, embrace your present, and look a little way into the future and you'll have something great going on!
For More Relationship Advice From YourTango:
- Why Men Are More Distant Than Women In Relationships
- Find A Relationship Expert
- Romance: How To Keep It Going Forever