One of the hardest things for me to accept is that I create my own outcomes, whether I like them or not, my failures as well as my successes.
As a child of divorce I swore that when I got married it would be for life, yet I've been married and divorced twice. I wish it were different, but that is the reality I must accept about my life, and since I made my relationship choices, I can't blame my exes, my mother, father, or anyone else for my outcomes.
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FATE AND DESTINY
I strongly believe in taking ownership for my life, choices, and outcomes, so much so that I call it The Most Important Relationship Skill. While my actions and choices largely determine my outcomes, as silly and incongruous as it might be, I also believe in "fate" or "destiny," that things happen as they're meant to happen. This force can also be called "The Law of Attraction," which helps me to embrace and accept "what is," believing that I'm exactly where I need to be, going where my life purpose needs to go.
I don't believe in chance or randomness. Things happen for a reason. When something happens that I don't like (divorce, car accident, etc) I've found that if I ask myself "What's the purpose or reason for this event?" I can always come up with one pretty easily, especially if I'm honest with myself. And darn it, the answer always seems to be something I need to learn, something the Universe is trying to teach me, that I'm resisting. As someone once said to me- "Each painful moment is an opportunity for new expansion." I'll try to remember that next time...
After 50 years on this planet I finally "got" that "what you resist, persists," and learned to examine and accept life's lessons. My attitude used to be "I know" and "I can handle it" and "I have it under control" (hey, at least it wasn't "It's their fault" and "Why me?" and "I deserve it!"). Now my attitude is a little more humble, such as "What do I need to learn?" and "What's the reason or purpose behind this?"
I'm very clear now that my outcomes are determined by how I show up, which is largely driven by my attitudes. What's inside shows up on the outside and what I'm thinking will become reality, so I must monitor and make conscious choices about what I allow my thoughts to focus upon. Wow, not only do I need to take responsibility for my actions, I have to own the consequences of my private thoughts and beliefs!
THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION
If you're single and would prefer to be in a fulfilling relationship, I'm playing with the idea that the most important coaching question for you is "Why are you single?"
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"Why" doesn't mean "What happened?" or "Whose fault is it?" In this case "Why" refers to big picture questions such as "What is the purpose or reason for you being single at this time in your life?" and "What do you need to learn that is getting in the way of your relationships?"
WHAT DO YOU NEED TO LEARN?