The Surprising Link Between Sex and Pregnancy- Humor-
By David "Spike" Osterczy. Posted on .
I was asked to write this article by a plethora of professionals as the information herein could be extremely valuable to you in your life. I am uniquely qualified to write this, as I have interviewed many men and women who have actually engaged in sex, and sometimes they’ve even become pregnant!
Thus the search for a link between sex and pregnancy began. The first interview took place with Dr. Franz Gugenmeister of Kernel Universtadt in Munich.
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Dr. Gugenmeister explained that in almost 96 percent of cases of pregnancy in women, the women stated that they had engaged in sex with a male within the past month. Two percent of pregnant women were unsure as to why they became pregnant. One percent swore that they were still virgins and that some deity had touched them and suddenly they became pregnant, and the last one percent was a mix of women who said they were kidnapped by aliens and never did cheat on their boyfriend with that cute boy from the coffee shop, or some such drivel.
Now here is the interesting part: Of all the men who had engaged in sex over the last month, less than 1 percent became pregnant and those cases are not even properly documented! The other 99 percent did not become pregnant, however, in cases where the men were married, or in long-term relationships, nearly 56 percent displayed pregnancy symptoms without actually being pregnant. This research was not taken seriously however when it was discovered that 98 percent of the men with pregnancy symptoms were football fans.
When asked, Dr. Gugenmeister explained “the link between sex and pregnancy is obvious, however, many are not aware of this link and often it is too late before the light goes on in the fridge.”
After mentioning the fridge, the good doctor became hungry and ended the interview early.
Another brilliant researcher, Vincent Van-Doher, has what is to be for sure, a very controversial theory on the link between pregnancy and sex. Mr. Van-Doher has been an independent researcher for 25 years and has engaged in sex with hundreds of women.
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According to Dr. Van Doher, “I have discovered that women who engage in nuptials without proper authorization or protection are more prone to become pregnant than women who do not. I have discovered however that many women do become pregnant without ever actually having sex at all! I have had women followed to strange places with large, metal tubes and upon exiting, they are suddenly with child.”
When asked how this is possible this was his response; “I am postulating a theory that these ‘clinics’ are actually conduits for invading aliens who beam themselves into unsuspecting women, and gestate there to someday invade our planet to terraform all of our Twinkies.”
