Why The Definition Of 'Soulmate' Doesn't Always Include Forever

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Your 'soulmate' won't make you as happy as you want to be.

Are we supposed to be looking for a passionate and fiery love with our soulmate?

Relationship studies and successfully married couples will tell you that unconditional love and finding your soulmate are not what you think. 

An astonishing discovery was made in a poll done by Siemens Festival Nights when a whopping 73% of people said that they were just "making do" in their marriage because true love had gotten away.

In the story published by CBS, 17 percent of those people also said they met their soulmates when it was too late and they were already married. Another 46 percent said they would leave their partners to be with their true love.

Sadly, most of these people believe that there is someone "out there" who may be more romantically suited for them. They think love has passed them by and that it's better to just to be in a relationship than to be alone. 

Others are staying married for the sake of the kids and believe it's their duty to fulfill the sanctity of marriage, even though they believe that it is not "true love."

These individuals are forcing themselves to live a life where they believe that the world has something more to offer. They are at war with reality. In all actuality, they have found what they are looking for, but the deception of their mind tries to convince them that they are miserable, alone and they've lost their chance.

People stay trapped in an illusion that a soulmate will be the key to their happiness.

Another study called the Marriage Advice Project sought to find the one common and cohesive theme among 700 successfully married adults. In the article Why the Most Successful Couples Stay Together, they found that people who have been married for 40, 50, or 60 years said that commitment is the key component to making a marriage work. 

The ideal of a soulmate is idolized by those individuals who might be labeled hopeless romantics or by those who have a deep longing for connection with a romantic partner. This idea is rooted in the belief that there is one person who is your spiritual, romantic and eternal match.

Terms like "twin flames," "the one" and "love of my life," also personify the concept that we have a sole partner in the universe that will fulfill every whim, need and desire.

The notion of a soulmate oftentimes leads individuals to seek out someone they believe will make them feel elated, euphoric and love-drunk. This high level of ecstasy, which is fueled by obsession and infatuation, is not the basis or stable foundation for a long lasting union.

Although this romantic idea may sound idealistic, it may not be realistic.

Elizabeth Gilbert, the best-selling author of Eat, Pray, Love, speaks to Oprah in her interview on Super Soul Sunday, about what a soulmate is and warns why you may not want to marry them.

Oprah reads from Gilbert's book, "people think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants, but a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention, so you can change your life. A true soulmate is probably the most important person you will ever meet because they tear down your walls and smack you awake."

"But you might not want to marry them," responds Elizabeth. "You think its all roses and happiness – a soulmate is someone who changes you and then sometimes they have to leave because the intensity of the relationship is so much that you can't actually have a stable [one]."

Ultimately, your soulmate – or your mirror – is not the person you are supposed to be in a loving, romantic relationship with.

The person that fulfills you is the one who makes you feel the most centered, stable and comfortable. They will be the person that you can truly build a life with and not just live in a state of unrealistic nirvana – that type of high is not conducive to a long-term relationship that nurtures true connection and growth. 

Unconditional love is seeing the beauty in the life that is unfolding before you now.

The people who are married and still wishing that they had found their soulmate are missing the beautiful moments that are passing them by. They are not allowing themselves to love their lives unconditionally.

When you open your eyes to the unconditional love that you have within – by accepting this reality – you set your life ablaze. You wake up from the dream and realize the story of your life is the one with the most remarkable ending.

David Maestas is a relationship coach and author living in Denver, Colorado. 



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