Sex

The REAL Reason He Wants A Threesome So Bad

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It will come as no surprise to any of you who have significant experience interacting with guys, that as a rule, we think about sex frequently. incessantly, almost constantly, whether we are asleep or awake. And in order to keep things always fresh and interesting, we fuel our sexual mental meanderings with images so profoundly decadent, they could make a porn star blush.

That is not to say that we would actually participate in these episodes of lurid lewdness and raucous ribaldry if we had the opportunity in real life. No, in many cases our fantasies are most satisfying because they are something we can only dream about without the pressure of having to make them real.

And why is this? Because the "us" that exists in our fantasies is an idealization of who we'd like to be if we had limitless stamina, sensational athleticism, incredible flexibility and an ever-erect member of mythic proportions. But as you know, sadly, most of us fall short (no pun intended) in many of these areas. So living out our fantasies is, therefore, an impossible dream. 

That being said, there is one fantasy that most men believe they can actually live out given the right set of circumstances, an open-minded and accepting partner, and substantial amounts of high-octane libations.


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And what is this desire that we most optimistically believe we can realize in this lifetime? I'm talking about a threesome or ménage-a-trois. (Everything sounds more exotic in French, doesn't it?) And while some guys might consider a threesome with a woman and another man to be exciting, most men desire a more "traditional" woman-man-woman arrangement, making us the "meat" in this sexual sandwich.

But why do men like threesomes and why is it that this is the go-to sexual "flight of fancy" of most red-blooded males? Frankly, I'm not sure there has been extensive research on this subject, or if scholarly works addressing this are available for perusal.

What I do know is that for men, having simultaneous, sexual relations with two women at once is an example of "more is more." In other words, sex with one woman is good and with more than one woman is better.

Why? First, there are more of our favorite parts to play with: More lips to kiss, more breasts to caress, more vaginas to... well, you get the point. Second, we kind of feel like we've won the lottery. Normally, we have to move heaven and Earth to get one woman to be intimate with us. Now, we have two hot women (in reality they may not always be hot, but in our imaginations, they're smokin') rubbing and kissing on us and using us as their sex toy. What could be better than that? 


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And third, there is always a chance (in our naughty minds, anyway) that any time you get naked girls together in close proximity, they may start getting up-close-and-personal with each other (preferably, while we're recovering from our previous carnal cavorting) and us guys get to have a bird's-eye view.

Major voyeurs that we are, seeing two women in an amorous embrace is another big fantasy of the male persuasion. And now after getting reheated from seeing all that lady-lovin', we can join in the festivities and drown in a sea of writhing, moaning, heaving flesh.

Of course, for most men, this is a dream that will never be realized. And perhaps, it's better that way.

The reality of threesomes rarely lives up to the hype. And even when they do, misunderstandings, jealousy, regret and feelings of betrayal often come into play, putting a damper on the proceedings or the memory thereof. Nonetheless, as long as there are horny men (are there any other kind?) and women they find attractive, our noble quest for a ménage-a-trois will continue, unabated. 


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It is our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. And though we know we will probably never find it, we will always forge ahead (mentally, at least) as if this lusty reward is just around the next corner. And if it's not, a Starbucks probably is. So if we can't live our dreams, at least we can console ourselves with a caramel macchiato and undress the comely barista with our eyes.

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Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who's worked on some of television's best shows. For more information on David, go to www.EveryManSeesYouNaked.com.

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This article was originally published at Fabulously40. Reprinted with permission from the author.