Are there sexual acts that should be avoided as we age? What are the risks...and the rewards?
Question: I wanted to ask? In regards to anal play: My husband and I use to do it when we were younger. I still enjoy it sometimes, but it can hurt and even make me bleed a little? Are we just too old to enjoy that particular form of play? ...Angie
Answer: As far as anal sex is concerned, I don't believe you are too old to engage in any sexual activity that both you and your partner find pleasurable. You must, however be mindful of a few things, in order to keep the experience positive and pain-free.
That area of the body is not specifically designed for incoming traffic, so patience and careful preparation are necessary when engaging in "backdoor gymnastics." As always, proper hygiene is important. Both his penis and your rectal area should be clean to minimize the spread of bacteria during invasive sexual activity.
Next, don't scrimp on the lubricant. Sex inherently causes friction, and anal sex, by its very nature and tight fit can take that friction to an extreme level. Therefore, special care must be taken to sufficiently lubricate the area to reduce friction, and lessen the possibility of abrasion and tearing (both of which can cause bleeding, and increase your exposure to infection). I suggest starting with general foreplay to increase both of your levels of arousal. When both of you are sufficiently excited, your husband should now shift his focus to your anus. Liberally lubricating a finger, he should gently insert it into your rear passage. As he gains more depth, and your sphincter (the rubber-band like muscle that is your rectum's gatekeeper) begins to relax, he should start to SLOWLY move in and out to increase your arousal and help prepare your anal cavity for the arrival of a larger occupant. When you feel relaxed and ready to proceed, liberally coat his penis with a water-soluble lubricant, like KY Jelly or AstroGlide and re-lubricate your anus. You're then ready for your husband to gently ease himself into you, moving slowly to avoid tearing and allowing you to easily accommodate him. When he has reached the maximum depth of penetration that both of you can comfortably handle, he can now very slowly begin to move in and out, increasing speed as you and he become more comfortable with the motion.
One important note: After anal sex, it is essential that your husband completely wash his penis before he has any further contact with your vaginal area, to avoid the spread of harmful bacteria. He should also not fondle your genitalia with fingers that have invaded your anus, for similar reasons.
I hope that answers your questions and makes for a mutually enjoyable sexual experience.
© 2008 David M. Matthews. All Rights Reserved.
Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who's worked on some of television's best shows.
For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to www.EveryManSeesYouNaked.com.