Should She Pursue Former Crush...20 Years Later?


Should She Pursue Former Crush...20 Years Later?
After two decades, is the spark still there? And does his patience indicate respect or disinterest?

Question: I have an unusual situation here...a guy I served with in the military back in my twenties (we are in our mid 40's now), found me on Facebook two years ago (I was married then).  He often sent me texts: jokes, political things, discussions about our kids (we both have teenaged boys, he's divorced).  We discovered that we had crushes on each other back then but were unaware of it. Several months after our initial contact, my husband of sixteen years passed away unexpectedly.  Since his death, this guy has kept contact with me daily via text and phone calls to see how I'm doing.  He is almost always the initiator.  We have become very close and discuss virtually everything.  Lately our discussions have become romantic and he has told me that after a full year has passed after my husband's death, he'd like for us to meet.   He thinks the year is necessary for both me and my kids to be ready for me to begin dating.  My son insists that this guy must want  a relationship with me to work because guys don't wait a year to date a woman they don't care much about, nor do they bother texting girls just to be friends or just to get a piece of ass that's far away (he lives on the other side of the country).  The year is a month away from being completed and I am excited and nervous about finally seeing him.  I am convinced that my son is right, but want another opinion – so what do you think? ...Yvonne

Answer: I have to agree with your son.  Although it is clear that this guy has been interested in you for more than two decades, he is still willing to take things "slowly" out of respect for you, your children, and your late husband.  That shows a tremendous amount of discipline and restraint, even if all he is seeking is a good time.  And though one can never know what exactly is in the heart of another, it does appear that he honestly has deep feelings for you, and at the very least wants to explore the romantic possibilities of a relationship.  While it is certain that he is partially motivated by his desire to finally be intimate with you after waiting all these years, mere sexual desire cannot be his sole motivation.  And given that the only impediment to the two of you "getting physical" (for it seems like you've already shared emotional intimacy) is his desire to allow you to be in a place that is conducive to a relationship built on a solid foundation, one must ascertain that his intent is serious.

Obviously, anything can happen when two people get together after many years of separation.  Anticipation is understandably high, and often the reality is somewhat less satisfying than a long-held fantasy.  However, just as often, the actual contact will exceed expectations, leaving both of you wondering why you waited so long to experience this fulfillment.  And whether you are pleasantly surprised or sadly disappointed, at least you made the effort to pursue happiness, and that is frequently satisfying in its own way.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

David M. Matthews


Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who’s worked on some of television’s favorite shows.

For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to

Location: Porter Ranch, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by David M. Matthews:

Getting Men To Stop "Fixing" Your Emotions


Question: My significant other does not know how to handle my emotion when I am depressed or sad. He said he wanted to fix things, but he does not know how, so now he tends to shy away. And his avoidance only makes me feel worse. Is there a way for us to arrive at a happy medium? —Rhonda Answer: This is a great question, and one that has ... Read more

Change Of Heart: Now She Wants Him Back


Question: My ex and I broke up several months ago after five years. Right after the break-up (which was pretty much mutual) I became desperate and needy, begging for him back, which obviously only pushed him away. Now that we've gone almost two months with no contact, we've started texting a very little bit here and there. I'm looking to get back ... Read more

Men’s Dirty Little Secrets – Part 2


As promised, here is the second installment in my exposé on men’s dirty little secrets. As I’m sure many of you know, men are visual beings.  We are motivated to action and stimulated most by our sense of sight.  As such, when we see something provocative it can have a profound effect on us.  And by profound effect, I mean, ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular