At this point, one has to wonder why would you have any positive feeling left for this guy, given the heinous treatment you endured during your relationship, and the slandering you were subject to after? You can certainly do much better. Let me repeat that – “you can do much better.” And, yes, you can let go – you just don’t want to badly enough. So quit it! Stop indulging your bruised and battered self-esteem. Regardless of any positive attributes he may have possessed, overwhelmingly your ex was bad news. And the only reason to waste additional emotional energy on him, is because you want to continue to revel in the misery that was your relationship. At best, that’s dysfunctional – at worst, deeply self-destructive. You’ve left him physically, now cut the emotional ties, and cut them for good!
Now (at long last), to your question: “Why do men say they love you and then can't control themselves concerning sex?” The fact is, they can, but they sometimes choose not to, either because of laziness, weakness or lack of discipline. Still others just don’t want to control their activities, and view your attempts to quash their philandering ways as a personal affront. Your ex falls into the latter category. And while this group of men may be fully cognizant of the fact that treating you like that is wrong and disrespectful, they are just too self-involved to really care.
But do not despair. There are many good guys out there who understand the meaning of fidelity, and are interested and even anxious to be involved in a mutually rewarding sexual/emotional relationship with you – one without torture, physical pain, and ongoing emotional abuse. Actively focus on seeking out one of these guys, while simultaneously severing all ties with the protagonist of your painful past. Do this, and I promise that your heart and your self-esteem will both breathe a big sigh of relief.
© 2010 David M. Matthews. All Rights Reserved.
Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who's worked on some of television's best shows.
For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to www.EveryManSeesYouNaked.com.