How To Communicate With Men


How To Communicate With Men [EXPERT]
Why you should stop being subtle and start saying what you want.

Men have many positive qualities; we are fairly simple in our needs and typically pretty easily pleased. We generally are straight-forward in our approach to things such as dating and our agenda is usually obvious ... except when we're trying to get you into bed the first time — then we are as deceptively manipulative and insincere as a career politician!

One quality we are lacking, however, is the ability to read non-verbal clues from the opposite sex. When it comes to being sensitive to body language, subtext or nuanced meanings, we are not only clueless, we are just this side of brain-dead. Thus, it is no exaggeration when I say that when it comes to subtlety and innuendo, sadly, my brethren and I can be thick as a brick.


So what does that mean for you? Well, first of all, it means that anytime you want to communicate something to us, you need to make your request absolutely clear. Let's say you're out on a date with a guy you're interested in. You think he likes you, too, so you do your best to give him subtle clues that you would be receptive to him giving you a lip-lock.

Despite your best efforts, however, he isn't responding to the numerous "kiss-me" signals you're sending him, so you start thinking he must not be into you. Wrong! He's probably been fantasizing about kissing you (along with other, more prurient desires) since he first asked you out. But chances are he's missed ninety percent of the signals you sent him and the ten percent he did notice, he badly misread. 

So, what do you do? Well, if you still are interested in swapping saliva, you've got a few choices:

1. You could keep doing what you're doing and pray something clicks in his brain and his lips execute an assertive maneuver.

2. You could be pro-active and just lean in and lay one on him.

3. You could stroke his hair, lean in close, then do something that he can't possibly misinterpret — like saying, "I'd like you to kiss me."

Sure it's bold and artless but even he will understand your request. And it's a request that is very unlikely to be ignored or refused. So, you get to make out with your admittedly dense date and he gets to start strategizing about getting to second base. Win-win.

More dating advice from YourTango Experts:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

David M. Matthews


Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who’s worked on some of television’s favorite shows.

For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to

Location: Porter Ranch, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
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