A Man And His Member


A Man And His Member
Think a dog is man's best friend? Here's a less-furry pal that he's even more "nuts" about.

Lately there has been a proliferation of bad news: Slow economic recovery, a soft housing market, corporate insolvency, wars, violence, famine, natural disaster, and the cancelation of “Dog The Bounty Hunter.”  Thus, rather than deal with anything too serious in this Election Day column, I decided to be a little more light-hearted.  The following is the result - an ode to the bond between men and their “manhood.”

To say, “Penises are attached to men,” is to simply state a fact.  But saying, “Men are attached to their penises,” is to proclaim an absolute truth.


As you may already know, nothing is so prized a possession to the average male as his own penis.  And while straight men have little or no interest in the external plumbing of their brethren (other than as a supporting character in a porno), they can become downright sentimental when pondering their close relationship to their own equipment.  To put it bluntly, most men consider their penis to be their best friend.  Sure, we are hugely attracted to women.  And yes, we enjoy the hell out of spending an evening of football, hot wings and frosty brews with our buds.  And true, our slipper-fetching Fido is among our favorite companions.  But our true BFF is that roll of flesh we keep sequestered in our shorts.

And why is “cherish” the word we use to describe our penis?  Three reasons: Loyalty, reliability and shared common interests.  As long as we can remember, our penis has been there for us.  Before we even understood its function as “party central,” we appreciated it as the visible symbol of our masculinity, the release valve for our bursting bladders, and a dandy way to practice our cursive in the snow.  Then when puberty hit, and all our hormones executed a blitzkrieg of our nether regions, our penises were there to rise to the occasion.  Suddenly the whole world of sexuality opened up for us, and it was our trusty tumescent friends who led the way.  In times of loneliness, frustration or insomnia, it was our penises that helped us relieve our pent-up tensions.  Participation in sports was a fine source of stress relief, but sadly not always convenient or available.  Our trusty wieners, however, were ever-ready for action, even late at night and in inclement weather. 

As I’m sure some of you are well aware, our affection is so great, that many of us even endow our endowment with a nickname.  These monikers can run the gamut from whimsical (“Mr. Happy”) to blatantly boastful (“Sasquatch”).  And so concerned are we about our units’ continued good health, that we faithfully endeavor to make certain our “little soldiers” get regular exercise.  That’s just how considerate we guys are.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

David M. Matthews


Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who’s worked on some of television’s favorite shows.

For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to www.EveryManSeesYouNaked.com.

Location: Porter Ranch, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
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