Help, I Think The ‘Other Woman’ Has A Penis!

By

Help, I Think The ‘Other Woman’ Has A Penis!
Should you be threatened if your boyfriend's still hot for his ex - the girl with something extra?

Question:  I have a question about men being interested in watching transsexuals on a porn site and then having sexual dreams about penises. My boyfriend who is straight had a relationship with a transsexual about six years ago and still keeps in contact by phone. This issue has come up as it's interrupting our sex life since he'd rather watch she-male porn on the internet and jerk-off than have sex with me. I'm attractive and have done porn in my past but nothing with transsexuals.  I'm highly sexual, but having a threesome with one of these people just isn't in me.  I want nothing to do with it.  I'm just not sure if my boyfriend is bi or gay...and just hasn't come to terms with it.  He's 41, so by now you’d think he'd know his sexual preference.  He has late night conversations with this person, and I recently found out that they are always initiated by my boyfriend. We love each other, but I'm to the point where this just isn't working.  Limited sex and all the jerking off and secretive phone calls.  Ahhhhhhhh!  What are your thoughts on this?  Any help would be greatly appreciated!! ...Lindsey

Answer: Okay, first we have to clarify something: When you say your boyfriend had a relationship with a transsexual, I’m assuming you mean a sexual relationship.  And based on your other comments, it sounds like this was a “pre-op” transsexual - who still had his penis, making him a member of a group sometimes referred to in porn circles as “chicks with dicks.”  Let’s start there: In general, straight men are only interested in being intimate with one penis – their own.  No matter how hot a woman is, if she’s “sporting wood” of her own, our sexual interest in her quickly departs.  But apparently that’s not the case with your boyfriend.  Not only did he have sex with someone else who had a penis, he also continues to fantasize about and masturbates to images of others who are similarly endowed.  I don’t think, therefore, it would be much of a stretch to deduce that given this evidence, it is highly-likely that your beau is bi, or even possibly gay and living in denial.

Another issue you should look at is that your boyfriend continues to maintain an ongoing relationship with an old flame.  It also appears that he’s the one who’s doing the pursuing.  To me, it sounds like he’s still involved in that relationship, if not sexually, then emotionally.  At the very least, this emotional umbilical cord to his past does not bode well for his relationship with you in the long run.  If he cannot disconnect from this previous liaison, ultimately it will doom any future the two of you might have together.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

David M. Matthews

Author

Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who’s worked on some of television’s favorite shows.

For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to www.EveryManSeesYouNaked.com.

Location: Porter Ranch, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by David M. Matthews:

Getting Men To Stop "Fixing" Your Emotions

By

Question: My significant other does not know how to handle my emotion when I am depressed or sad. He said he wanted to fix things, but he does not know how, so now he tends to shy away. And his avoidance only makes me feel worse. Is there a way for us to arrive at a happy medium? —Rhonda Answer: This is a great question, and one that has ... Read more

Change Of Heart: Now She Wants Him Back

By

Question: My ex and I broke up several months ago after five years. Right after the break-up (which was pretty much mutual) I became desperate and needy, begging for him back, which obviously only pushed him away. Now that we've gone almost two months with no contact, we've started texting a very little bit here and there. I'm looking to get back ... Read more

Should She Pursue Former Crush...20 Years Later?

By

Question: I have an unusual situation here...a guy I served with in the military back in my twenties (we are in our mid 40's now), found me on Facebook two years ago (I was married then).  He often sent me texts: jokes, political things, discussions about our kids (we both have teenaged boys, he's divorced).  We discovered that we had crushes ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular