Because we are not devoid of emotions, just ashamed of them, we recognize your suffering and feel great empathy, but we are clueless as to how to make things better. So after failing miserably time and time again in this area, many of us retreat, deciding to admit defeat, rather than regularly subjecting ourselves and YOU to our impotent attempts at salving your emotional wounds.
Like many things, open communication between the two of you will go a long way to make this situation better. You must explain to him that there will be times that you will be sad, or depressed, or melancholy and there is nothing either of you can do about it. And while you may share your doubts, sorrows, worries, or frustrations with him, you do not expect or want his help in solving things. You just want him to understand that you’re in pain, and that you need his emotional support. Then you must be explicit as to the kind of support you want. Sometimes you may just want him to listen. Other times you may desire his comforting embrace. And there may even be times when you don’t want to be touched, but still want his love and acceptance. And he needs to know, that in those times that you eschew physical contact, it is not a reflection of how you feel about him, but rather how you are feeling overall. You are not rejecting him, you are simply avoiding physical contact which may be too much to handle, given your current emotional state.
The important thing to remember here is that despite his lack of knowledge or comfort in this arena, his strong feelings for you cause him to want to ease your pain by any means possible. And though his efforts may be clumsy, annoying and counterproductive at times, they come from a good and caring place. Knowing that, should help you help him help you.
© 2010 David M. Matthews. All Rights Reserved.
Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who's worked on some of television's best shows. For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The Three Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to www.EveryManSeesYouNaked.com.