“Doing It” With A Hernia


“Doing It” With A Hernia
Should a disability end their sex life? How to overcome health issues and keep physical intimacy.

Question: We are struggling in our sex life, due to sickness. My husband has developed two hernias. The one in his tummy he has had for years, but the one in his groin is newer and starting to cause him pain, including during sex.  Do you have any advice to help us cope and stay connected sexually.  We are both still very attracted to each other, but his hernia is causing him pain.  I know the quick fix is to repair his hernia, but we are currently without insurance.  Kind of an extra question to you: Does a man enjoy a little buzz to his penis, as a woman does with sex toys?  Anyway I would appreciate any advice you can give me. We are both frustrated!!!!  ...Kim

Answer: First, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that hernias, no matter where there are located, can cause very serious problems if left untreated.  Your husband should seek proper medical evaluation and care as soon as he possibly can.  I know it may be a financial hardship, but perhaps your physician may have some recommendations as to how this may be treated with a minimum of out-of-pocket expenses.  At the very least, it seems worth looking into, if you haven't already done so.


Now to your question:  There are many ways for you and your husband to be sexually active without engaging in activities that cause pain.  The key is avoiding any movement that puts pressure, stress, or tension on that area of his body.  Unfortunately, by its very nature, sexual arousal will naturally cause a tensing in that region, so creativity is a must.

1) If you want to engage in intercourse, try utilizing positions that require a minimum of thrusting on his part.  One such position is to straddle your hubby's genital region and carefully insert him inside you.  If you are facing him, you are in a great position to kiss and fondle each other.  If you sit facing away from him, Reverse Cowgirl-style, you can achieve deep penetration.  In either case, as long as you don't get too rambunctious, you're free to yell, "Giddy-up" and ride him to your heart's content (no spurs necessary).  And although these positions require you to do all the work, they also allow you to completely set the pace and give you greater ability to orchestrate your pleasure, as well as his.

2) Intercourse aside, there are a number of other sexually intimate activities you can enjoy with a minimum of pain and discomfort.  In fact, you might even look at this as an opportunity to more fully explore many forms of sex-play that you might otherwise only consider as foreplay.  Rather than engaging in these activities merely to whet your appetite for the “main event,” now what was once an appetizer, becomes a satisfying entrée in its own right.  One such example is mutual masturbation.  You should feel free to feel freely.  And while this may be something you haven’t engaged in to any great extent in years, it can be a very sexy and satisfying experiencing - giving and getting with this hands-on approach to orgasmic release.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

David M. Matthews


Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who’s worked on some of television’s favorite shows.

For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to www.EveryManSeesYouNaked.com.

Location: Porter Ranch, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by David M. Matthews:

Getting Men To Stop "Fixing" Your Emotions


Question: My significant other does not know how to handle my emotion when I am depressed or sad. He said he wanted to fix things, but he does not know how, so now he tends to shy away. And his avoidance only makes me feel worse. Is there a way for us to arrive at a happy medium? —Rhonda Answer: This is a great question, and one that has ... Read more

Change Of Heart: Now She Wants Him Back


Question: My ex and I broke up several months ago after five years. Right after the break-up (which was pretty much mutual) I became desperate and needy, begging for him back, which obviously only pushed him away. Now that we've gone almost two months with no contact, we've started texting a very little bit here and there. I'm looking to get back ... Read more

Should She Pursue Former Crush...20 Years Later?


Question: I have an unusual situation here...a guy I served with in the military back in my twenties (we are in our mid 40's now), found me on Facebook two years ago (I was married then).  He often sent me texts: jokes, political things, discussions about our kids (we both have teenaged boys, he's divorced).  We discovered that we had crushes ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Most Popular