Change Of Heart: Now She Wants Him Back


Change Of Heart: Now She Wants Him Back
There's a reason you broke up with your ex. Is there really any benefit to taking a step backwards?

While absence may make the heart grow fonder, unwanted presence can have the opposite effect.  Rather than diving back into his life, you need to wade in slowly.  Ever-so-slightly increase the number of texts with him, always keeping things light and undemanding.  Whatever you do, don’t be needy.  This is your opportunity to reacquaint him with how cool, fun, and interesting you are, thus reminding him why he fell for you in the first place.  After a few weeks of this (remember, slow progress is what you’re going for here), invite him out for lunch – your treat.  Why lunch?  Because this unassuming midday meal isn’t usually considered a “date” date and he will be less likely to turn you down.  And why should you pay?  Because it’s hard for anyone to resist a free lunch, especially with a delightful, appealing companion.  Once you have him face-to-face, be as upbeat as possible.  Show genuine interest in what is going on in his life and keep the conversation light and breezy.  At no point mention wanting to get back together.  This is very important.  If he brings it up, fine.  But under no circumstance should you bring up that topic.  At the end of your lunch, tell him how much you enjoyed yourself, give him a kiss on the cheek, and then say good-bye.  Resist the urge to say anything like, “let’s do it again sometime.”  If he suggests that, great, but otherwise, bid him adieu and get the hell out of there.

What you are doing is giving him the opportunity to pursue you – which is what you want, because obviously pursuing him will probably only push him further away.  Wait a few days before texting him again, unless he texts you first (which, we hope he will do).  When you do finally text him, be friendly and upbeat, but don’t make any plans with him unless it’s at his suggestion.  After a few more texts (over the course of days), you can tell him you have tickets to a particular event and ask if he’d have any interest in accompanying you?  This is what you have been building to – the chance to go on a real date, where you can truly show off how great a companion you are and how he’d be a fool not to welcome you back into his heart with open arms.  If he accepts your invitation, there is a high degree of likelihood that you are making progress in your quest for his love.  If, however, he does not accept your invitation, you must accept it with grace and good humor, then decide whether or not you want to continue this romantic pursuit.

More from YourTango: Men’s Dirty Little Secrets – Part 2

There is one thing I would like to suggest at this point.  I believe that it is important that you ask yourself a very tough question before you begin this journey back into his heart: Is it really him that you long for, or do you just miss the love, physical closeness, comfort and security of a relationship?  While that may seem like a harsh question, it is one you should definitely give fair consideration.  If you determine that you truly miss your ex, and not just all that he represents, then follow the instructions I’ve given you and go after that which you desire.

© 2010 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.

Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who's worked on some of television's best shows.

More from YourTango: She Wants To Be More Than ‘Friends With Benefits’

For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The Three Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to

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David M. Matthews


Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who’s worked on some of television’s favorite shows.

For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to

Location: Porter Ranch, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
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