Change Of Heart: Now She Wants Him Back


Change Of Heart: Now She Wants Him Back
There's a reason you broke up with your ex. Is there really any benefit to taking a step backwards?

Question: My ex and I broke up several months ago after five years. Right after the break-up (which was pretty much mutual) I became desperate and needy, begging for him back, which obviously only pushed him away. Now that we've gone almost two months with no contact, we've started texting a very little bit here and there. I'm looking to get back together with him, but how can I take it to the next step (i.e. past texting and maybe out for a drink)? ...Frannie

Answer: Being naturally (and sometimes annoyingly) inquisitive, I am curious why you so quickly had a change of heart, if you were, in fact, in favor of this break-up?  I can think of a few reasons for this: 1) You didn’t really want to break up, but preferred the idea of “mutual separation” to being dumped (and who could blame you for that); 2) You didn’t really realize what you had till it was gone (cliché, but nonetheless a common occurrence); 3) There was someone else you were interested in, but that didn’t pan out; 4) You were so used to being in a relationship, that suddenly being without one, caused massive anxiety and acute loneliness; 5) You have “seller’s remorse” and feel like you’ve made a horrible mistake, letting your soul mate slip through your fingers, and now you’re destined for a lifetime of loneliness, microwave dinners-for-one, and long weekends reading romance novels, surrounded by a houseful of furry, feline friends (devastatingly dramatic, but highly unlikely).  Whatever the reason, though, you now find yourself pining after your lost love, desperate to find some way to get back in his good graces so he’ll re-up for another romantic “tour of duty.”


Forgetting about why you broke up with him, why did he break up with you?  Whatever the reason, this is the first item that needs to be addressed before you two can be rejoined.  Why was he unhappy with the relationship?  Is there something you can do or not do that will remove this impediment?  And are you willing to do whatever has to be done to make that happen?  Please understand that I am not saying that you should change for him.  I am merely stating that if you want to accomplish your goal of getting him back, you may have to do whatever is necessary to make right whatever he considered was wrong.  It is only after making this assessment and initiating whatever changes are indicated, that you should move into step two: Escalating the frequency of contact. Keep Reading...

More relationship advice from YourTango

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

David M. Matthews


Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who’s worked on some of television’s favorite shows.

For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to

Location: Porter Ranch, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by David M. Matthews:

Getting Men To Stop "Fixing" Your Emotions


Question: My significant other does not know how to handle my emotion when I am depressed or sad. He said he wanted to fix things, but he does not know how, so now he tends to shy away. And his avoidance only makes me feel worse. Is there a way for us to arrive at a happy medium? —Rhonda Answer: This is a great question, and one that has ... Read more

Should She Pursue Former Crush...20 Years Later?


Question: I have an unusual situation here...a guy I served with in the military back in my twenties (we are in our mid 40's now), found me on Facebook two years ago (I was married then).  He often sent me texts: jokes, political things, discussions about our kids (we both have teenaged boys, he's divorced).  We discovered that we had crushes ... Read more

Men’s Dirty Little Secrets – Part 2


As promised, here is the second installment in my exposé on men’s dirty little secrets. As I’m sure many of you know, men are visual beings.  We are motivated to action and stimulated most by our sense of sight.  As such, when we see something provocative it can have a profound effect on us.  And by profound effect, I mean, ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Most Popular