As you're well-aware, the love affair between men and female boobs goes back centuries, perhaps even to the beginning of time; (before chomping on the apple, Adam may not have known the full significance of Eve's frontal accoutrements — but he knew what he liked.) Guys go out of their way to get a glimpse of breasts at every opportunity. Some spend obscene amounts of hard-earned cash just to watch nubile hotties bare their bounteous assets in seedy, sweaty, prurient palaces, ironically referred to as, "gentlemen’s clubs." Such is their complete infatuation with the blessed bosom.
But why this utter devotion? And what specifically draws them to your mellifluous mammaries? Read on as I offer 10 reasons into man's magnificent obsession.
1. We like how your breasts look. Contrary to what you may think, regardless of size, we find your boobs fascinating. Whether they're large and luxurious or small and sporty, we're hot for your hooters. And while men may have an individual preference for a particular size or shape, overwhelmingly, we're enticed by your charms — be they pendulous or pert, pouty or protuberant.
2. We like how they feel. It's hard to say specifically why they feel so nice, but nonetheless, they do. Really! Touch them and feel for yourself. There's nothing else quite like them. So, if ever presented the opportunity, we can't resist putting our hands (or other body parts) on them (with your consent, of course) whenever they're in the neighborhood.
3. We like to watch them dance. Almost as much as seeing and touching them, we like to watch them in motion. The way they shake when you move, bobble when you walk, or bounce when you jump, they command our attention almost as much as a half-court shot at the buzzer (and you know how we love our basketball). And women jumping on trampolines … well, that just reaffirms our belief in Heaven.
4. We like how they work as a team. Some things are just meant to come in pairs: socks, shoes, even fang marks from your favorite Twilight hunk. And your "girls" are a member of this wonderfully co-dependent group. While they're individually lovely, together they create one of nature's most awesome vistas — cleavage.
5. We like them as a pillow. Life is tough. And at the end of a day in the trenches of adulthood, nothing is as comforting a resting place for our weary heads as the, ready-made cushion of your bosom. Cradled in the calming warmth of your natural upholstery, we can relax and regroup. Bringing a true sense of rejuvenation, allowing us to face the world anew,with our spirit magically restored.
6. We like them as a handle. Face it; there are some sexual positions where your breasts are perfectly placed to help us hold on as things heat up. And though we often don't absolutely need to hold onto them to prevent us from falling off the bed, (or worse, losing our rhythm,) why leave them out of our love-play? After all, they're a treasured part of your anatomy, and we don't want them to feel neglected. Men are extraordinarily considerate that way.
7. We like them as an information system. Now, to your nipples. Oh, how we love them. Not only for their inherent beauty — perfectly accessorizing your fashionable frontage — but also for their incredible communication skills. When you're clothed and we see them, they tell us you're bra-less (or at least wearing a very sheer, sexy bra). When they stand erect, they tell us you're either experiencing a chill or very happy to see us (or someone else), or both. But thing one thing remains constant: when they talk, we listen!
8. We like their mystery. From the time we first become aware of them, breasts fascinate us; not only what we see, but what we don't see, as well. We spend an untold numbers of hours imagining what those beautifully, mysterious, mounds under your clothing actually look like. And when they're finally beheld "in the flesh," we're rarely disappointed.
Although, afterwards the particular mystery of what your breasts look like has finally been solved, there are billions more as-yet-unseen breasts for us to ponder and speculate about. Ah, sweet mystery of life.
9. We like their curviness. Ideally anyway, men are angular, hard and defined. Our shape (when we're "in shape," that is) is not given to graceful curves or comforting cushiness. Women, on the other hand, are naturally more curvaceous; something we greatly appreciate. And the soft swell of your breasts perfectly enhance the rest of the feminine figure. In other words, you're curvy where we're flat … and viva la difference!
10. We like how they make us feel better. I'm sure you're aware of studies that have definitively shown that people who have pets live longer, healthier lives. What you may not know is that recent findings indicate that looking at breasts for as little as fifteen minutes a day actually has a similar, healthy and longevity-enhancing impact on men. Now, I'm certainly not comparing women's breasts to our furry family friends. (Although we do like when either are nuzzled up against us or are available for petting.)
But, it's exciting to learn that it is now scientifically proven that beholding your up-top attributes on a daily basis can add years to our lives … in addition to adding a spring to our step. You just gotta love science!
Well, if you had any doubts about how strongly guys feel about your breasts, I hope I've eliminated them. We love 'em, cherish 'em, can't get enough of 'em. And luckily for us, they're attached to one of the few things in this world that we love, value and desire even more than them — you.
Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who's worked on some of television's favorite shows.