In addition, some of this decade's sexual health issues can also be sex-dampening: pregnancy, yeast infections, endometriosis, and for her, PMS. Taking the time to affair-proof your marriage in your thirties isn't just a good idea for "someday"—it's a requirement that needs to be addressed now, while the kids are young and the bills are high, or else the marriage will be vulnerable to the temptation to stray.
According to statistics from the National Center for Health Statistics, Centers for Disease Control, the average duration of first marriages is just a little longer than 8 years and the average age of the spouses in a first divorce is mid-thirties. So affair-proofing your marriage in your thirties is vital! Tips For An Affair-Proof Marriage
Pregnancy and fertility can be a big stress for both partners, as hormones change over the monthly cycle and both worry if they are able to conceive. Once a woman is pregnant, her body goes through such rapid change it's hard for her to keep up with it—and hard for him to know what to do for her! If one partner is infertile it can be such a shock that an affair can easily be born during this period. Thus during this decade it can be busy and frazzling, but it is direly important to take the time and make the effort to stay connected emotionally, give your partner a safe place, and remember to be lovers.
In your 40s:
Once you and your spouse are in your forties, your sex life can have a re-invigoration that can sometimes feel like a second honeymoon!
Both partners do go through some physical changes at this age. For example women may experience incontinence after pregnancy, her periods may be fewer and lighter, and many women in their forties enter peri-menopause, that time just before menopause, as fertility slows down but does not stop. For men, some common health issues that affect your sex life are heart attack, stress, diabetes or increasing weight.
This decade is also ripe for either one of the partners to have a "mid-life crisis" as they seek to regain their youth and prove to themselves that they've "still got it." But despite these changes, now that you've been together a long time and gotten through the years when young children demand your time and energy, this decade is a great period to reconnect deeply. You know yourself and your own body, what brings you pleasure, and now is the time to share the desire you've had for each other for so long.
The University of Texas did a study that a woman's sex drive is highest in her forties! Just one small note: a woman in peri-menopause can still be fertile, and more than a few couples have received the gift of a surprise late-life pregnancy during this sexual renewal. So please remember to practice whatever family planning method you and your partner have agreed on. Affair-proof your marriage during this decade by reliving the passion and desire of hot sex... this time with the partner who has been with you through thick and thin.
To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.
Right now, I want you to:
Schedule a full, annual checkup. Get information about where you are now, physically. Ask for a full blood work so you know if hormones may need balancing, etc. Information is power and the more informed you are, the better you can address whatever sexual issues you may have. Remember, the goal is better sex!
Within 7 days I want you to:
Once you find out your results from the checkup, this is the time to share the results with your partner and make a plan together. Sex is an issue that affects BOTH parties in a marriage, and physical health affects our sex lives. So work together to review the results, be honest about what you can and cannot do to change or make sex better, and come up with a mutually agreed-upon plan. Begin to get what is needed to implement the plan, whether that be a medication, a gym membership, or a couples retreat. Remember the goal is to create a vibrant sex life!
By the end of the challenge I want you to:
Armed with both the information from the appointment and the agreement with your partner, during the next 30 days put the plan into action. Set weekly goals and a monthly goal, and have a mentor to whom you can turn for encouragement, but who will also hold you accountable to working toward your goals. Check in with your partner daily—this is a great topic for pillow-talk—and if today wasn't a great day, let it go and start anew tomorrow. Remember the goal is create intimacy that is mutually satisfying for both of you and meets both of your needs for physical fulfillment.