Despite the fact that her ex-husband was not interviewed in the clip, my heart went out to both of them due to what seemed like a painful impasse that seemed intractable at the time. I would suggest that a better resolution may have been possible with one simple but powerful shift in perspective. The fact is – all relationships are governed by certain spiritual and emotional “laws” and perhaps a better resolution could have been negotiated from a more empowered place. In other words, what if this painful, final breakup had less to do with resources and everything to do with resourcefulness?
Let Me Give One More Quick Example
A somewhat similar situation came up for one of my clients recently because her own man was looking for some evidence of her “needing” him and she dug her heels in like I’ve never seen her...so I had to call her on it. She kept saying, “I want him...but I don’t want to need him! Why can’t that be good enough?” Clearly, and understandably so, it became obvious that she still had some lingering fear that hadn’t been resolved from their very painful previous breakup. So we handled that and I’m delighted to say they are back on track and doing very well.
Here’s The Truth From A Man’s Point Of View:
No man can really tolerate being in a relationship for long with a woman who will not allow herself to need him because it eats away at his very soul. That’s right. I said ALLOW herself. Here’s the truth: these very intelligent women aren’t really afraid to need a man. They’re afraid to be VULNERABLE – and that is a very different issue. The fact is – a man who doesn’t feel needed CAN’T stay without swallowing that very painful realization that tears him up inside. If he doesn’t honorably walk away as the Justice’s ex-husband did, he will probably seek what he NEEDS elsewhere and have an affair as a means to be free. I’m not making that right – I’m simply making it known. You can’t rob another human being of what they need to feel complete and whole and expect no repercussions. (Remember...this isn’t a theory. It’s a law – and ignorance of the law is no excuse). A human being will eventually violate their values in order to meet their needs.
There's one other important factor also. Whether it's a job, your kids, family, friends, vices, whatever – any time you make something else more important than your intimate partner...trouble will soon follow. Of course, it's important to focus on your career, mission and finances...but it would also be valuable to note that no one ever said on their death bed: "I sure wish I had spent more time at work..."
So How Does A Woman Reclaim Her Vulnerability – And Be Safe?