When I talk about this profound power, some people have no idea on earth how to access it. The very thought of lowering their guard or softening is enough to send them running in the opposite direction. It's almost as if "fight or flight" were their only two options. Luckily, they are not, and frankly, neither of them are even remotely effective if you want a solution. They try "everything" — except the one thing that actually works.
Albert Einstein famously said, "You can never solve a problem on the level at which it was created." As I said in my scenario with the couple on the edge of divorce, the solution was not in the issue that caused the fight. Once we addressed that, we shifted everything. That's why I help my clients see beneath the "fog of war" and get down to what's real — that's where the solution can be found. The fog only muddies the picture, blinds both parties and prolongs the battle, while increasing the damage. When two people constantly dig in and fortify their positions, a fight is the only possible result. When just one partner steps up and drops his/her "weapons," only in that moment can healing begin.
Yes, I understand that this is a lot harder than it sounds. It's hard to let go of pride and take a risk and then get hurt "yet again." I get that. That's why I've had a great deal of success as a third-party mediator: I look out for both parties simultaneously and work toward a new understanding and lasting peace. I focus on workable, permanent solutions and create a safe space for both parties so they can resolve their issues rather than rehashing them. I help to create a new awareness, and I teach the new skills needed that help my clients transform everything. Most people think they're limited to terrible choices like fight or flight, or saving face versus losing half of everything they own. There are always multiple choices, and the one that shifts everything is called vulnerability. If your relationship is in real trouble, the first step in getting vulnerable is asking for help — so feel free to contact me before it's too late.