Everyone knows it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind — but that doesn't mean she should try to change her man. I recently got an email from a client seeking dating advice because she was quite upset about a gift she had given a man she was dating. To make a long story short, my client went to a great deal of effort to find just the right gift. I was actually really impressed by the thoughtfulness, effort and appropriateness of the message behind her gift.
Here's where the trouble started...
My client also went to a great deal of trouble in delivering the package to her man while he was out of town at a conference. Despite the fact that he was out of town attending the event, he responded with a text that read, "Wow. That's amazing." His brief response caused my client to feel "cheated out of a decent response to her thoughtfulness" and that's when she approached me about how to handle her frustration and disappointment.
Let's take a step back.
Let me start by saying this — there's no excuse for bad manners or rude behavior. Nor am I suggesting that you lower your standards or have poor boundaries with how you allow others to treat you. On the contrary, the one thing I focus on MOST is helping my clients know their value and communicate it clearly. However, in this case, my client's intent was beautiful — but her frustration was somewhat self-inflicted.
Allow me to explain...
Here's what you should know about men:
As a rule, masculine energy navigates the world via logic and reason while feminine energy navigates via emotion. Men don't typically get incredibly emotional about gifts (or much of anything, actually) so his response, while definitely not overwhelming, was fairly "normal" and predictable. "Amazing" is still a very good descriptor of a gift you really like. In addition, masculine energy also tends to be single-focused and outcome-driven — especially at work so it's not unusual that he would be pre-occupied at his conference. Add that to the fact that texting may be the world's worst way to effectively communicate and it starts to form a perfect storm of disappointment. My client was very upset because she expected him to do what SHE would have done which only sets her up for disappointment. Ladies, no offense, but if you really want an over-the-top, gushing response to a gift, it's probably a better idea to just buy one for your girlfriend.
It is what it is whether you like it or not.
My client had her feelings hurt (remember — she navigates via emotion) because her blueprint or expectations didn't match her results. For her, it was essentially like peeling an orange and expecting to find an apple. That's probably not a great strategy because it will always end in disappointment. That's why I focus on helping men and women UNDERSTAND one another better — rather than simply cursing what they don't understand and setting themselves up for disappointment again and again.
Sometimes your expectation is wrong — not your partner.
Albert Einstein famously said, "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it's stupid." By the same token, if you expect a fish to climb a tree, it doesn't exactly demonstrate your genius either. If you want to transform your relationships forever — I would suggest that you ask one simple and life-changing question: what if no one is misbehaving? The fact is people are typically doing the best they can with what they have in the moment and they are just behaving in accordance with their deepest values. As soon as you judge someone as wrong, you lose all ability to influence them — or in other words — get what you really want.
One other thing...
Yes, it may be true that masculine energy can be frustrating sometimes due to its emotional, shall we say..."limitations." However, there is a huge upside that you may want to consider. When you are navigating the world via emotion and things just seem kind of all over the place, there's nothing that serves you more than a good man who grounds you — loves you unconditionally — and just shows up as your rock. Ladies, that is a beautiful gift. As soon as you stop seeing men as broken or wrong and see them as the potential heroes they really are, that's right about the time you'll see men noticing you and responding in ways that just might surprise you. In other words, when you start to see the hero in the men around you every day, that's right about the time when YOUR hero appears. That's not a coincidence. That's because when you change the way you look at things...the things you look at change.
This is just one specific example of how women can bring out the very best in their men rather than suffer through the worst. If this makes sense to you and you want to learn more, check out the free videos at manmagnetics.com.
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