Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Are You In A Successful Marriage ... With YOURSELF?

Photo: WeHeartIt
marriage with yourself
Family, Heartbreak

It's time to love yourself faithfully.

Many articles, talk shows and movies talk about marriage, divorce and everything in between. But what about the most important marriage or life-long relationship you can have, the one with yourself?

We can buy books on how to make relationships work and there is a lot of information out there that gives you tips and do’s and don’ts on a successful marriage. But what if you would first invest in a marriage with yourself before engaging into any other? Would that not give you more chance of succeeding?

We learn from a young age how to behave toward others, how to show respect toward parents or elderly people and even how to deal with difficult people. But who teaches us how to respect the person we see in the mirror? Who guides us to learn to live with ourselves? How do you love yourself?

Imagine that we would literally get married with ourselves at a young age. We would first be in love with ourselves. We would give our word of “I do” to ourselves. Every day, we would invest in this life-long relationship and respect ourselves as no other. We would learn to accept our own weaknesses and encourage ourselves to be the best we can be.

Do you not think that we would be different adults?

Every day, I see in my practice many adults who have neglected this unique relationship and would probably be divorced a long time ago in their marriage with themselves. The way people act toward their own being, how they talk down on themselves and how little love and care they are sending their own way, is reflected in all areas of their life. It is the cause of many problems and it does not need to be that way.

Here are 3 tips on how to make your marriage with yourself work:

1. Do not take yourself for granted!

All that you are and all that you do is worthy of respect and gratitude. You are unique exactly as you are, here and now. There is nobody like you on this planet. There is only one you! You are born a miracle and a champion since your conception. Acknowledge you uniqueness because whatever difficulties or obstacles you still have to conquer, from today onward, none of them will be as tough as your winning battle at the time of your conception. You are here, embrace it!

2. Stop thinking that you are not (good) enough as you are.

“Worthiness is not about who we should be or we might be or we could be. It’s about who we are. Right now. Today. It’s about waking up and believing, “I am enough.”  Dr. Brené Brown

You are worthy and deserving, just by “being” here! You do not have to “do” anything to be worthy of love and life. So instead of judging yourself time and time again at every occasion, feeding your inner critic, you need to go within and observe the miracle of “you”. Because you are love, and that cannot be destroyed, only forgotten!

3. Make that decision

“Find yourself first, like yourself first, love yourself first. Friendship and love will naturally find you.”  Mandy Hale

As much as stepping into a marriage with someone else is a decision, so is choosing to be married first to yourself. It is a conscious choice to love yourself and live from the inside out. You are here to live “your” life and not someone else’s. Your whole energy will change and so will your life and your results. You can compare this phenomenon with a little stone that gets thrown into the water. It makes circles and creates change that goes on and on in a never-ending motion. Know that the decision of getting married to yourself and loving yourself unconditionally will have a never-ending impact on every aspect of your life.

Unfortunately, I only learned to truly love myself after a crisis, while recovering from a serious debilitating stress-related illness. You do not need to wait that long… do it before life makes you learn your lesson the hard way!


If you want to learn more about these concepts of self-love and self-care, please go to my website and give yourself the free gift of downloading the first chapters of my book "Shifting Out of Chronic Stress: A 7-Step Journey to Regain Your Balance and Inner Strength" or register for a personal and private free discovery session with me so we can see what your next step toward marrying yourself and living happily ever after can be.

This article was originally published at Danielle Sax. Reprinted with permission from the author.


Explore YourTango