In these past three years since he has been living uptown, the idea of Christmas came up. Christmas morning has always been more of the family tradition, so my ex shares Christmas morning and the entire day. In the past, as a family, we typically spent the day with my Italian family (he's Jewish so it was never a debate), but since our separation, I have refrained from travelling to my family's dinner and instead have had dinner with just the four of us, spending the day together.
My daughters, who are teenagers now, embrace this holiday that for many years was a tradition of childhood magic, but now a day that symbolizes buried hatchets and restructured relationships. It may take a few Christmas dinners to hash things out, but I believe that my ex and I (with our new significant others) and all of our kids will one day break bread together. Is that even possible? Wouldn't it be a great goal?
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How is this done? By rising above the pain of what was a dysfunctional marriage. Equally, both ex-spouses need to take responsibility for what went wrong. State your regrets, apologize and forgive. We apologize for our behavior and forgive each other for the hurt and misunderstandings. Admit it was wrong and appreciate that you are both alive to be with your children and be in their lives and watch them grow up. The next step is put the past behind you, wish each other well and move on to what each feels is the next best thing.
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The marriage is over and we need to raise our consciousness to a higher level not only for ourselves but for our children and to hopefully relate in a new way in a new loving relationship.