Let’s be honest. We married him and no one is to blame but ourselves. Rather than spend the rest of your days being bitter or self-loathing and trying to make up for it by making myself feel better, by taking his money and bask in the glory that he’s finally gone; when really he isn’t gone as long as there is a monetary attachment. My advice is if you haven’t finished with your education enroll immediately and get your degree, take a part time job, develop a support network with other mother’s to share the caretaking hours with play dates and sleepovers. Don’t stop until you are in a routine of growth and productivity.
Ex-husbands may be feeling guilty and offer extra money or comforts. As easy as it seems to accept his contribution, resist it, in essence it’s about control. As long as you rely on him for money he has control over you. If you think your life is easier because you don’t have to work, think again. What makes life easier is the freedom and control over your own life. The dependency you have on him only victimizes and imprisons you. It’s living your life as a coward. Take stock in your strengths and develop those skills that got rusty while you were home rearing children, or learn new skills. Get back in the work force, role model for your children and teach them how to be independent both financially and emotionally. Statistics report that 75 percent of divorced women remarry. Most of the time it’s because of financial security. Unfortunately, these marriages are doomed like the first one. Do what is best for you and your children, rely on your own income, even if it means scaling back on luxuries and lifestyle. Help your children, especially your daughters develop better decision making skills, better judgement, value education and job experience and independence that will in long run protect them from being vulnerable and kept by their husbands.
More from YourTango: Divorce: Can You Do It Without Getting Revenge?