ARE YOU FUN TO BE WITH? ....when you're not spending money?
Couples I have worked with over the years have often complained that they lack a common interest. If you have children, then you and your spouse might agree that your main focus of interest and activities are the children. As well, they should be, however, what about you? What about your partner? Do you both have an interest that you share together that is not about the kids? When given the opportunity to find time for yourselves do you grab a bike, pick up a tennis racket, head over to the gym, go for a run? What about dancing or hiking? Going to a mall or a movie doesn't count. I'm talking about an interactive challenge that feeds your spirit, strengthens your agility, keeps you young and fit, interesting and connected to each other.
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Going out to dinner is not one either, but preparing a special cuisine, trying a new recipe and going to the markets to find the fresh produce and ingredients would count as long as it's done together. This does not mean while one of you is cooking, chopping and stirring, the other is drinking the bottle of Merlot with their napkin on their lap. But rather,both of you are equally interested in learning and developing a common interest, no matter who introduced it.
If you both have discovered that you look forward to and make time for a tennis match, a long bike ride or researching topics to discuss, then you are on the path to a deeper more enriching life together. The respect and integrity of your relationship becomes stronger. Don't forget too that these shared interests can be passed on to your children and remain a family interest with years of great memories and adventures to talk about.
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Laundry, shopping or I-pads do not count! Drinking at the bar, NO, overspending your credit cards, NO, or eating at your mother's house every Sunday is a big no.
The benefits of shared activities that do not involve extravagance, but more togetherness is what truly bonds one another. If it takes an expensive trip to have fun together then you might need to examine what the real connection is among you. If distraction from togetherness seems to be spending money and avoiding intimacy which is togetherness outside of love-making or sex, well, you both need to acknowledge this and make some major changes.