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Be True to Yourself and Get What and Whom You ACTUALLY Want

Be True to Yourself and Get What and Whom You ACTUALLY Want
Expert
Family, Heartbreak

3 steps for being true to yourself and getting what you actually desire.

With the rise of Tinder and other dating apps, meeting someone online is as normal as meeting someone at a bar, which is good news if you truly desire to date. There are lots of options! The challenging part is that not everyone is looking for the same thing in a relationship. Different things work for different people.

If you aren’t clear on what it is that you would like to have in the area of dating and relationships, it becomes difficult to differentiate between your desires and someone else’s. All too often, this leads to the frustration and disappointment of dating rather than the fun and joy of dating.

What else is possible? If dating is something that’s fun for you, how could you embrace and enjoy all that dating can offer, and get exactly what you would like to have from it?

Here are my 3 steps for being true to yourself and getting what you actually desire when exploring the dating scene:

Step 1: Be Clear On What You Want

Sounds simple, right? And yet so often we don’t do this. We don’t ask ourselves what it is we would truly like to have. We have so many points of view of what’s right and what’s wrong in relationship and we think we have to do things the same way everyone else does. Have you ever noticed that it never works? It can’t work because you are nowhere in the equation.

What if instead you could start asking, “What would I like to create as my life? What would be fun for me? If I were truly living my life today, what would I choose?”

When you ask questions that include you, you begin to perceive exactly what it is that you desire. Now start asking, “What would it take for this to show up?”

A key thing to remember is that you are the most important ingredient in any relationship. So if you wish for dating to be fun, know what it is that you desire and require,know what adds to the quality of your life and only choose that!

Step 2: Open Up to New Possibilities

Have you limited who you will date based on conclusions you have about what type of person you should date? Do you have a mental checklist that you go through when you meet someone? How many times have you found someone who checked all the boxes and the relationship ended in disaster?

Would you be willing to let go of everything you’ve decided and concluded about who you will and will not date? And, instead of deciding, “Oh, I can’t date him, he isn’t tall enough.” Or, "this will never work, he doesn’t like baseball.” What if instead, you asked a question? What if you asked, If I date this person, will it be fun? Will it be easy? Will I learn something? Will it contribute to my life and living?

Asking questions open up new possibilities. When you don't ask questions, you will keep repeating the same patterns.

If you let go of your conclusions and set points of view about dating and started asking questions, who knows who may show up that could contribute to you in greater ways than you’ve ever thought possible.

Step 3: Be YOU and Have FUN!

Have you made dating serious and significant? Do you keep trying to “get it right?” Do you often feel like you must be doing it all wrong? What if you could let go of the seriousness and significance that is so often found around the topic of dating and gave yourself permission to be you and just have fun!

If you could date without deciding that a certain outcome means it was good and a different outcome means it was bad, then your relationship will be more joyful and ease-filled. 

A great way to let go of significance about dating and to stop judging whether you are doing it right or not, is a little thing called “Interesting Point of View.” All you do, the next time you notice a point of view about dating; how it should be, how it shouldn’t be, what it means if they call you back, what it means if they don't call you back, whatever point of view comes up for you say, “Interesting point of view. I have that point of view.” Say it several times and notice how much lighter you feel.

When you let go of all of the points of view you have about dating and about you, you can actually choose what works for you, what would be fun for you and what would contribute to you.

It is possible for you to have what you would like to have in dating and relationship - but only if you keep all of you. The more you enjoy being you, the more you will be an invitation for the kind of people you desire to date to show up in your life. 

Dr. Dain Heer is an internationally renowned author, speaker and facilitator of consciousness and change. Co-creator of Access Consciousness, Dr. Heer invites people to embrace their true greatness—people from every culture, country, age and social strata of society. Originally trained as a chiropractor, he has a completely different approach to healing by facilitating people to tap into and recognize their own abilities and knowing. He is the author of 9 books including, Being You, Changing the World, which is now an international bestseller. A guest on hundreds of nationally syndicated radio and TV shows including Fox News and Gaiam TV, Dr. Heer also hosts a regular radio show called Conversations in Consciousness. www.drdainheer.com

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