Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Ladies: It's Time to Stop the Negative Self-Talk

Ladies: It's Time to Stop the Negative Self-Talk
Contributor
Love, Self

Curvy girls, athletic girls, skinny girls, fat girls. Stop the negative self talk and love yourself.

“You’re not good enough!”

 

This thought plagues all women (and men), regardless of size. We know we would be successful in life if only we had more money, were taller, were thinner, had more hair, had straigh hair, were younger, were older, etc.

Here’s your wake-up call: this negative self-talk is coming from inside us. Every day, we have an opportunity to listen to those compliments from people who love and admire us. More often than not, we choose to take to heart the cruel words of strangers who will never know us personally.

 

I’m no stranger to this line of thinking. I have been overweight since 3rd grade and have more rude comments about my weight than I can count. (You an read more about my Curvy Girl lingerie store and my own struggle with my weight at www.CurvyGirlInc.com)

However, I consider myself extremely lucky. My mom raised me to believe that I am beautiful, smart, and strong. She taught me not to listen to those who hate on superficial qualities. That doesn’t mean I never hear that negative self talk, though. And every time it starts, I ask myself a question I want all of you to start asking yourselves:

 

What will it take for you to believe you are beautiful?

People who know me in person know I am a "cheerleader" by nature. I’m constantly trying to convince people (women especially) that they are absolutely perfect the way they are. Today. Exactly the way they are.

 

Sometimes I want to scream from the rooftops. You are smart enough. You are pretty enough. You are thin enough. You ARE enough. Exactly as you are, right now, in this moment. Not 10 pounds from now. Not $500 from now.

NOW is the time to celebrate the life you’re living. Because as cliché as it sounds, tomorrow may never actually come. Now is the time to wear the lingerie, to let loose in bed, to try a new hairstyle or dress that makes you feel fabulous.

These simple pleasures aren’t reserved for some mythical elite class of physically perfect human beings. We ALL have bodies capable of pleasure and joy. The police won’t come take away your breasts or clit as penalty for having too big a belly.

So what will it take for you to give yourself permission to feel sexy?

 

Whenever a good friend speaks about herself in a critical tone, you’re quick to comfort her and remind her how awesome she is, right? That’s what good friends do! So why is it so awful to talk ourselves up without having a friend to talk us out of our self-criticism?

It’s not just female-female interaction. We have a hard time accepting compliments from the opposite sex too! Once, a good friend told me about a random gentleman paying her a nice compliment. She was quick to pick apart his words and put herself down, and she justified this by questioning his intentions.

I told her to BELIEVE IT. In my limited experience, many men aren’t super expressive and they don’t just spew out compliments willy-nilly. If it doesn’t sound like some canned pickup line, odds are he means exactly what he says. Think about it – even if he’s just trying to get in your pants, he thinks you’re sexy and decided to tell you.

It’s still a real compliment.

 

Now’s the time to take action, ladies and gents. I challenge you to actively focus on positive self-talk whenever those strangers’ criticisms hit too close to home. Silence that inner critic. If your inner voice is not lifting you up - stop it in it's tracks. I tell me inner mean girl "SILENCE" and think about something I love about myself. It takes work, but it's worthy it.

It’s time to remember what makes you beautiful (or handsome, for the fellas), and it starts with you!

More about me: I am the owner of an online romance store www.BlissConnection.com and have been selling sex toys and lingerie for the last 10 years. I just opened a brand new plus size lingerie store in San Jose called Curvy Girl Lingerie. We focus on plus size lingerie and helping women to get in touch with all of the pleasure your body is capable of!

Author
Contributor

Explore YourTango