Recently, a friend posed a question: What would you do if your lover refused to go down? So, I posed the question to my customers and the results were interesting:
- 10 percent swore they would leave.
- 30 percent would wonder if something was wrong with them or their partner.
- 47 percent would try to get to the root of the problem by discussing it directly.
Only about 13 percent said they could live without it.
That means, in my little survey, almost 90 percent of people considered a lack of oral sex as a BIG problem, so I’m bringing it up before your partner does. Guys: Whatever your reason for not going down, it’s time to give it another try! Here are 7 tips to help you quickly become an oral expert:
Tip #1: Spread the love. She loves it when you focus your attention on the clit. However, if you focus all your attention on one spot, it gets super sensitive bordering on painful. Mix it up! Use your entire tongue. Make it flat. Make it pointy. Make it soft. Make it rigid. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings, and you can stimulate them all!
Tip #2: Start off slow. This is not fast food. This is a gourmet restaurant and she wants you to savor every moment. Kiss and nibble her inner thighs, use your lips or your breath on her labia. She feels every little nuance, and it all feels very, VERY good.
Tip #3: Skip the porn tricks. Guys, she is a regular, everyday woman. She is NOT a porn star. Plus, she can tell when you’re using Howard Stern’s alphabet technique (I KNOW you can be more creative than that!). Rather than trying something you saw on the boob tube, keep it simple. Try swirling your tongue around her clitoris in small circles, clockwise and then counter-clockwise. You’ll find the right spot, guaranteed.
Tip #4: Forget the game plan. If you come to the bedroom with a super specific end goal, say giving her a squirting orgasm, it can be a turn-off. Why? Because the moment it becomes goal-oriented rather than pleasure-oriented, she loses interest. Plus, she’ll feel like something is wrong with her if you try really hard and she just can’t get there. If you want her to be comfortable with squirting, try not to focus on it too much. She wants to get lost in the moment, not feel like you are trying to turn her into your favorite webcam girl.
Tip #5: Remember the golden rule. Think of all of the things you love when she goes down on you. Do you love gentle sucking? Nibbling? Light teeth? Deep suction? Great – maybe she does too! GENTLY try those techniques on her clitoris. After all, it is essentially a small penis with double the nerve endings.
Tip #6: DON’T forget the fingers! Once she is good and warmed up, get in there with your fingers! Many women enjoy one or two fingers inside their vagina while you kiss and suck on her clitoris. You may find her thrashing around in your bed from a blended orgasm when try this technique. Just be sure your fingers are very clean and that you have filed down any rough nail edges (see Tip #2 — she feels EVERYTHING down there).
Tip #7: Get INTO it! If she senses you're feeling the least bit obligated or bored, she will shut down. Please be aware of how vulnerable she may feel lying there with her legs spread and try to be very complimentary and enthusiastic. I promise it will pay off — that little extra effort can turn a self-conscious woman into the lusty, naughty woman you’ve always wanted.
Chrystal Bougon owns an online romance store www.BlissConnection.com, and has been selling sex toys and lingerie for the past decade.