I was once asked if I ever had bad sex.
Unfortunately, the answer is yes. These days, I work VERY hard to make sure it does not happen. I’ve made a commitment to taking ownership of my sexual encounters though. After all, it takes two to tango! (I do own a website called www.StopFakingItJustHaveOne.com so I better NOT be having any bad sex any more!)
But I have had boring and downright bad sex. Once I turned 30 though, I decided I was done with it. The first step was getting rid of the fake orgasm. Seriously ladies – STOP DOING THAT. It is a complete waste of energy and you only wind up rewarding your lover for bad behavior. What you really need is to show your lover what gets you off. (And, let me just say - the bad sex was not because my partner was not good at it. I wasn't good at it! And I was not taking charge of my own orgasms.)
Show your partner what gets you off. Now for most women, that means getting your partner good at foreplay. It’s pretty much required if you’re going to have that mind-blowing, eyes-rolled-back-in-your-head sex that you may desire. Don’t get me wrong – you can have good sex without foreplay, but every once in a while you need to take it to the next level to keep things interesting. (And, now there are couples toys like the We-Vibe that you can wear while you are making love. Gets you both off.)
According to the dictionary, foreplay is any erotic stimulation preceding sexual intercourse. With that broad definition in mind, here are some tips to help heat things up in your house:
1. Signal each other sweetly. Try wrapping your feet or legs around each other when you’re just hanging out and watching TV. This is a very intimate gesture that is unlikely to gross out kids or visitors, and can be your private little signal that you plan on making the magic happen when it’s bedtime. Wrapping your legs or feet around each other gives you that skin on skin which makes everyone tingle.
2. Try sexting. You don’t have to be explicit to get one another going. Start with sweet compliments if you’ve never done it before. Tell your partner you can’t wait to get home and get naked. You can add in more detailed texts or pictures if you feel comfortable, but often just the thought is enough to get started.
3. Phone bone. I always tell women to learn to give good phone. Like sexting, it can be simple and sweet with compliments and desire. And if it progresses to something more explicit, simply sit back and let yourself go. I promise he’ll like it.
4. Bathe together. Soap each other’s backs in the shower. Take a bubble bath. Spend time soaking naked, and don’t forget to towel each other off when you’re done. Hot, clean, naked bodies will lead to activities that will make you need another shower.