5 Steps To Getting Over A Breakup

By

5 Steps To Getting Over A Breakup
You broke up and you're sad but was it really love?

"Let’s break up" – the three taboo words came out from the mouth of your beloved partner, cold like ice, and emotionless like a killer. His voice pierced through your ears and stayed in your mind. Your body and soul were clotted in yesterday, when you were still snuggling, calling each other babe, picturing the blissful future you two would have. You couldn't believe the two of you have broken up. He didn’t even give you time to mentally prepare for it. Yes, it is the cruelest thing on Earth. But we've all been there. Read on for five reasons you will survive the heartbreak and prosper in the long term. 

1. Face The Fact – You’re fooled by the illusion of “LOVE
You think you 'love' him because he gives you the spark with all the cheesy sweet words and good sex, which makes you feel you're the happiest woman on Earth. You think you 'love' her because she always supports you and stands by your side, making you feel you're the greatest man? Think twice about that.Do you love the person, or just the things he/she did for you? 94% of the immediate breakups happen in relationships of three to five months. Not too short, but isn't it's not long either. With this period of time, you can probably only get to the first two stages of a "True Love" — Lust and Attraction. It’s not lengthy enough to tell whether you have the element of Attachment.

It's not a sin to love but be mindful — don't drown yourself in the trap of the "LOVE" illusion and fall for an irrelevant person. You won't want to see yourself at this state 3 years later, or even less.

2. It’s All About Opportunity Cost
Let's be more realistic. According to the latest census in 2010, there are 96.6 million unmarried Americans aged above 18, among them 43% are U.S. residents. Given the sex ratio is 0.88:1 (male to female), there're approximately 19.5 million guys (and girls too!) out in the marketplace! Crossing out those in a relationship, with low incomes, not-so-handsome, too skinny and playboys, you still have 0.1 million choices. (That's 100,000!) There goes a saying "Don’t give up the whole forest for a little sprout." Take it as the golden rule.

3. Stop Thinking About It - It's Not Your Fault
It's nobody’s fault. It's a cliché, but we all ignore it. Sometimes we are all acting like primary school students who aren't able to get full score on a paper, anxiously searching for the big red circles and correct the errors. Take relationship as a researcher, not an examiner. We are not supposed to find the model answer for a relationship, but explore ourselves through it, and gradually find the best match for a lifetime. So stop blaming yourself for all the stupid reasons like calling too much or being too controlling — A person truly loves you won't mind, not to mention you don’t have to do this if you feel secure.

4. Avoid Meeting And Texting Your Ex  
We are all sentimental creatures, especially after an immediate breakup when the spark at our side has not vanished. The worst part is we will still feel like "loving him/her" and try to patch things up. Don’t do that — it is the biggest block in your way to move on. Save your self-ego. Don't try to test your ability in dealing with ex and embarrassinh yourself. 

5. Trust Me  You Are Beautiful
Doubting yourself after a breakup is unwise. Think of what your exes told you when you first met? Did he say you have the sweetest smile? Did she say your deep eyes are charming? They weren't blindfolded or forced to say so! There must be something special about you to attract their attention. You break up simply because the spark is gone and he/she isn't the right one for you. Dear, get yourself a mirror and write down what you find beautiful in yourself. Stick it onto your wall right away. Be strong, confident and independent. You deserve a better life! 

Remember, the relationship is now a past tense. The effort you've put in is vanished; the promises you've made are with no value but the memories of a relationship are priceless. Let your past make you better but not bitter. You're looking back the other way and believe me, most often you're looking back. Schedule your consultation when you're ready. Who knows what's up ahead! 

More personal development coach advice on YourTango:

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular