The emotionally minded person (often the women) would comment to the rational man, “Why are you making such a fuss over that new truck? Why don’t you make a fuss over me?” Women don’t understand why a man has more emotion about the things in life than with people. This sends confusing messages, only building disappointment when the emotional mate does not get the love he or she expects. Similar to Jennifer’s reaction to her husband Brad, I often hear women with heartbreaking stories about their insensitive partner giving a deaf ear, insults, or joking remarks, after the woman expresses feelings. It becomes disappointing and hurtful to the emotional mate when feelings are not as important or accepted compared to other areas of the partner’s life. This scenario happens more in the emotionless relationship than people are willing to admit, believing they are destined to live that way.
Women deal with life first by relating emotionally and socially. This is why Jennifer’s heart was crushed when the neighbor made an unkind comment about the recipe she had shared a week earlier. Jennifer’s sharing of the recipe was a form of connecting, reaching out, and sharing part of her. However, if the recipe was rejected, Jennifer felt rejected. This is one of the biggest differences between men and women. The man interprets giving the recipe not as a relationship but simply as the giving of information. Jennifer interpreted the information as sharing part of her life. Once a woman talks or cries out what she feels, she becomes more logical. The man needs to help the woman work through the situation by letting her cry and talk out how she feels about the situation. Then she will be able to move closer to the logical part.
God actually knew what He was doing when he created man and woman to function very differently. The saying “opposites attract” is truer than you may give credit. Women were created with a greater ability to perceive what is happening around them (intuition) and the ability to accurately identify needs, desires, wants, and displeasures in order to increase control over the stresses of life. Men were created with a greater ability to be effectively practical and develop a sense of trust to build security and safety with those around them. Men tend to have a greater ability to logically relate with people and things, providing a great strength to initiate rational thinking to accurately understand the reasons why situations happen.
You need those opposites to function more effectively and efficiently together. For example, when there is a decision to be made, the emotional attributes of one partner and the logical attributes of the other should work together for a more balanced decision. You do not want to make a decision solely based on emotions and later regret the decision. For the same reason, you do not want to make a decision based solely on logic without considering the personal effects of that decision. The attributes of each partner should complement each other, creating a well-functioning union.
Seek professional counseling with a counselor that has experience dealing with the emotional differences of men and women. Get a copy of my book, When Your Mate Has Emotionally Checked Out for more details of what to do. You can go to my web site for more resources and my email to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or receive counseling if you are able to come to our clinic at Masterpeace Counseling in Tecumseh, Michigan.
Excerpt from the book:
When Your Mate Has Emotionally Checked Out, Craig A. Miller 2006©