I went to a party with my husband the other night. I spent an hour getting ready, trying on several outfits, doing my make up and hair just right. As I'm walking down the stairs, my husbands turns off the TV and waits for me to come around the corner. Even though he does this every time we go out, I still am nervous with how he will receive me. Will he think I look ok? Do these pants give me a muffin top? Is my top too low-cut? His reassuring smile is all I need. We're out the door and for some reason, I'm still nervous. I keep checking myself in the mirror in the car. Asking him if he's sure I look alright. He already said I did, so what's the big deal?
Aw, yes. We're about to spend an evening with several of his friends and colleagues. Many of them are very attractive and to be honest, I want to impress them. Correction: if I'm being honest, I want to walk into that room and feel desired by all the other men there. I want my husband to proud to say yep, she's with me. I want to feel like I'm a hard-to-come-by commodity. Does this make me shallow? Does it mean I don't love my husband? Absolutely not! I just want to feel wanted.
Do you ever feel like no one in the room wants you? I definitely have. When that happens, I feel like I'm a nobody and end up leaving the party feeling like I don't matter. Even though I wasn't there cruising for a date, I still like to know that I matter, that I'm desired. That I'm wanted. But that seriously blows.
When I'm able to acknolwedge this truth, it starts to take the power out of the situation. When I realize that it shouldn't matter what one of my husband's friends thinks of me, I take control. I can't look to others to determine how I feel about me. I can't even look to my husband for my self-worth. I have to take an inventory of who I am, what I've got to offer, and who I was created to be. Owning this will make me confident and confidence is sexy. Who thinks it's sexy? Who cares! As long as you are the one you want to go home with at the end of the night, that's all that matters.
So, to answer the question, who wants me? I do.
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