Infidelity can be heart wrenching. There is a way to heal and repair. Couples may return to trust.
3. Embrace the Heart-Ache
When we are hurt, we may find a tendency to blame, run, fight, judge, or explain. If we can stop, and fully feel the heartache, we will be surprised at what is possible. I have worked with client after client who aimed to find resolution by changing the mind or creating a new life. The problem remained somewhere in that person’s heart. While changing the mind is a necessary part of healing, and changing one’s life is sometimes the best action to take, facing the hurt is also necessary for a full healing. When you step fully into the sensation in your heart, beyond thought and explanation, the feeling begins to shift.
I suggest doing this with the help of an expert coach or therapist. It can feel scary and overwhelming at first. However, when approached form start to finish, with a guide, this act will change your heart’s experience. You will begin to re-find peace.
Part II: Tools to Repair Infidelity
Now that you have started on the road to healing your broken-heart, some of you feel relieved. Some of you feel discouraged, however. You had glimpses of hope but the pain returned. You are not alone. This article will explain to you what you must do next..
Broken-heart help is real. Practice is what creates success over time. Repeat the steps out lined in part one daily: gratitude, clarification of purpose, and embracing heart-ache, with a counselor or coach. You may choose to practice these three steps many times a day!
In addition, you can now add in several more practices. Healing from infidelity is possible more quickly with the practice of particular tools listed below.
1. Request Helpful Qualities from Life
Ask life to help you add the qualities of experience you prefer. For example, ask for more laughter, joy, comforting, compassion, or whatever else you need. Just tell life what it is that you need. Life can help. It may take a moment or it may take a few months. Sometimes it takes longer. Life will offer you help.
2. Ask for Undefined Help
In addition to asking for the specific qualities you desire, ask life for life’s own wisdom. Pray for good help. Be open. Help may come in completely surprising ways. Life can design help for you that your own willpower will not. Life has a multitude of ways.
3. Request to Have Un-needed Habits Removed
We all have mental and emotional habits that put us in ruts. Now is a time to forgivingly notice your own. Ask to have them removed. You may also get assistance to work on changing them.
4. What if My Heart Still Hurts?
The most overlooked yet fundamentally needed aspect of heart healing is embracing the hurt. This is key. While we are conditioned to find ways to bypass the hurt, we will be transformed in benevolence by the hurt, when we face it.
Many clients have come to me afraid they will be swallowed by heart-ache if they embrace it. Some fear that they will create more of it by giving attention to it. The opposite proves true. When you step into the heart’s sensations, by placing full awareness into feeling, the intensity dissipates. As you remained focused in this way, the pain diminishes to zero. From this, a new experience is born. It may be an experience of peace, joy, hope, neutrality, or forgiveness. Exactly what you will encounter cannot be predicted. What can be predicted is that when you fully merge into the sensation in your heart, something unexpected and benevolent will occur. Your heart will provide a solution when your mind cannot. I have experienced this first hand. I have lead clients from numerous backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs through this. It proves true.
5. Drop the Judgment
Some of the pain from a broken heart is caused by judgment of self and other. If he or she did that to me, it makes us less than. Let this belief go. Nobody is perfect. Millions of people have experienced infidelity. Your worth is not measured by what happens to you. Your peace is measured by how you work with what happens.
6. Let Forgiveness Come Naturally
Forgiveness is natural. As we do our personal work, forgiveness comes. It may not come in the timing we wish. If we try to force it to come, or force it not to come we feel miserable, lonely, afraid and stuck. However, it we allow forgiveness to come as a result of the work we do, it is known as real and lasting.
7. Know that Cycles are Necessary
As Humans, we have tendencies to believe that progress should be finite. When we look carefully at life, change comes in cycles. We may feel peaceful one moment and tormented the next. Use the processes offered in these two articles, repeatedly. Peace will come more and more often, deeply and vastly in time. For some it will come in a moment. There is no right or wrong way. Each of us is here to experience a variety of life-occurrences. Do seek out help form a professional counselor or coach to make the journey safe and a lot easier. You are worth it. You can heal from this.