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Valentine’s Day & Your Partner’s Porn Or Sex Addiction

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Valentine’s Day & Your Partner’s Porn Or Sex Addiction
If your partner is a sex addict or porn addict Valentine's Day can be a moment of wake-up

If your partner is dealing with porn addiction or sex addiction, Valentine’s Day probably doesn’t engender feelings of connectedness and warmth. It may simply make your blood boil, or it could cause you to feel like you just want to crawl in a hole and avoid the very mention of hearts, candy, cupid, and love.

So what is your bottom line? When was the last time that you did something for yourself — really devoted your considerable energy into taking care of yourself, nurturing yourself, and pleasing yourself. If you look past all those mushy cards, roses, and chocolate will you see that you can’t remember when you did something for yourself because you have been working so hard to please someone else. Have you “over-invested” in a relationship that does not nurture you?

More from YourTango: 6 Benefits Of Quitting Porn

Maybe Valentine’s Day is the day to take stock of where you are in your relationship. Are you wondering how in the world you wound up in a situation where you have poured so much of your heart, energy and spirit into a relationship that has betrayed you?
Much, in fact most, of the time, it is you, the partner who rings the bell of reality for the sex or porn addict in a way that he finally recognizes that it is time to get some help. It is important for you to take a stand. Until you show respectful love for yourself, you really cannot expect to get it from someone else, especially not from a man who hasn’t quite grown up.

Is this what you may be thinking and wanting to say?

Please don’t bring me flowers or candy or a teddy bear for Valentine’s Day. Get some help for your addiction. Today. Look in the mirror and face yourself, really face yourself and admit that you have a problem…. a big problem. I can see it so clearly.

It’s red heart day and I have to wonder if you’re lusting after the short skirt at the mall. I have to wonder if you’re on your computer or phone again doing those things you do.
Why am I here? What am I doing for me?  What am I telling our kids?
I can’t stay here if you can’t be here with me and really be present. I need you to get off the computer. I need you to come home. What do we mean to each other? Do you even like yourself?

More from YourTango: Intimacy in 1 Minute — After Porn or Sex Addiction

I admit that I too have a problem — a big problem. I need to respect myself enough to end this if you don’t get some help ASAP. Get help now. Or I will have to go.


Even if you are in a dark place in your relationship right now, there is the possibility of rebuilding. We have watched hundreds of couples rebuild their relationship into a connection that is so much closer, more intimate, more real than they imagined was possible. It can all begin with you taking a stand for hearts, for your heart, on this day that celebrates love.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Compulsion Solutions

Author

Sex Addiction and Porn Addiction—We've been there and we know the way out. Compulsion Solutions offers the time-proven approach of George Collins to damaging sex addict and porn addict behaviors, incorporating scientifically proven “mindfulness” techniques that are now being used by the military to treat PTSD and substance abuse. We've been using this approach and these techniques for over 20 years to help people just like you.

 

 

Location: Walnut Creek, CA
Credentials: BS, LMFT, MA, MFT, Other
Specialties: Sex Addiction
Other Articles/News by Compulsion Solutions:

6 Benefits Of Quitting Porn

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Six months ago, my entire day revolved around porn. It was ruining my relationship. It was getting in the way of my goals and plans. It just had to stop, so I embarked upon a path to give up porn. I called Compulsion Solutions because I decided it was time to grow up. Now I can undoubtedly say life is better. Are you a porn addict? Are you watching porn to ... Read more

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For an intimate connection to grow, it needs attention and nurturing. While this is true for every couple, it is mission critical for couples rekindling intimacy after sex or porn addiction has wreaked havoc on their lives. My wife and I call this condition "sex affliction." Sex affliction occurs when a relationship suffers a profound attack against ... Read more

What Is Sex Addiction & Can It Be Overcome?

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Sex addiction is a compulsive urge to engage in sexual activity, thoughts, or fantasies in ways that are detrimental to an individual, his or her family, friends, and/or work. It blocks the development of true intimacy in a relationship. Sex addiction is also called sexual dependency or sexual compulsivity. Just because someone likes to masturbate or to have ... Read more

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