You can rid yourself of the shame based story you currently call your sex life.
At Compulsion Solutions, my job with clients is to help them "grow up" their sexually acting out "inner child" and convert its energy to their good. It's to help them change their story, from a childish soap opera to one rich with peace, joy, serenity, abundance and intimacy. If they can convert that story into something useful, something adult and mature, then sexual acting out actually feels quite silly.
My clients CAN and DO change their minds, as well as rid themselves of the shame based story that they currently call their sex life. Minds are like software. They have synaptic grooves—and they can make a new grooves. They can self-create new reactions to circumstances such as seeing a sexy woman, or man, in the grocery store. It can be different. Really.
I teach clients how to shed light on the mental and emotional parts of themselves that scream out to them to act in a sexually compulsive manner. You can read about this technique in my book, Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sexual Addiction, Porn Obsession and Shame (Chapter Two).
Similar to the characters or actors in a story or movie, every one of us has these immature complexes or sub-personalities within ourselves might never grow up if we don't SEE them, then manipulate them into mature thoughts and actions. I teach my clients to do this through his use of dialogue. In essence, I get them to talk to themselves.
Men say to me, "If I talk to myself I'll go crazy." I say back to them, "No my friend, if you talk to yourself, using this method, you'll go sane."
Below is a note and a dialogue from a client who wanted me to share his success with the world. He is allowing what he calls "God and Soul" to guide him rather than his addict. This is "Ralph."
By Ralph, A Recovering Sex Addict.
This is a trying moment of overwhelming urge. In times past I would not have hesitated to take action in pursuit of adrenaline buzz, intrigue, and a euphoric moment. I'm home alone with the old familiar mind tricks. But today I made a choice. My choice is to write this note instead of letting my addictive mind have the day. I'm typing this in a frenzy so as to oppose the mind directed urges.
Funny, that in a way it was sort of a painful choice. My mind feels like I'm giving up some reward or something that I need to be able to cope with the day's stress. It is sort of "what I feel" vs. "what I know." This is a victory because I took the side of what I know is the right thing to do.
As I sit here at the computer I try to examine how that I really feel. When I first sat down I felt like I was missing an opportunity to recall the intrigue and euphoria that triggers the compulsion to act.
The longer that I type the more I know that when I get up from this computer that I will feel good about myself and what I have accomplished this afternoon. I now realize that I had some triggers combined with HALT [hungry, angry, lonely and tired] that caused me to have those compulsive overwhelming urge. Today I have won.
God and Soul must have helped me from slipping into that unconscious state of adrenaline/intrigue of which it is hard to return. I realize that I was right on the edge of no return to Now. I'm feeling better NOW and ready to get on with the day. This stuff WORKS!
Ralph Talks To His God And Soul.
Me, "Hello God and Soul." (GS).
GS, "Hello and how are you doing?"
Me, "Well so far so good, as you know I spoke with my friend George last week after I had been in a tailspin."
Me, "For about a week I had been totally caught up with action every time I had an overwhelming urge. My addict personality had thrown me many reasons as to why acting out was a good idea. It was unbelievable how quick the call to fantasy was and how I could not get enough of what would not satisfy. I do not know where it began but one thing was for sure as soon as it started it was like a wind on a wild fire. "
GS, "And then how did you feel?"
Me, "Weak and out of control of my life. Living in a fantasy world not the real world. Wasting valuable time. None of which were satisfying or that brought peace of mind."
GS, "Peace of Mind feels pretty good; huh?"
Me, "Yes it does."
GS, "It could become a way of life that would help you be free of shame and pain as it relates to your past life."
Me, "I know."
GS, "Then always watch the mind as you know it is very susceptible to addictive influences that are always waiting to take over."
Me, "Yes, I know and thanks."
Thanks for reading,
George Collins is the author of the best seller on sex addiction, Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame and is the founder and director of Compulsion Solutions. As a recovering sex addict, he didn't just go to college and read about sexually compulsive behavior. He lived "the life" and got over it.
George and his team practice from their offices in Walnut Creek, California in person and via phone with men and women from all over the world who are suffering from the results of sexually compulsive behavior. They also offer counseling and support for wives and partners. As a recognized expert, he's appeared as a guest on local, national, and international radio and television shows.
This article was originally published at www.compulsionsolutions.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.