You Are Not My Mother Or My Father!


You Are Not My Mother Or My Father!
Take care of yourself emotionally and grow up! No one should have to fix you or control you.

It fascinates me to see how we all dance in relationship in similar ways. Aspects of every love story break-up or dysfunction can be recognized in our own lives.
I have experienced my heart shutting down when a man in my life behaves like the little boy, needy for love, or the bad little boy, guilty and afraid that he will not be loved. Yes, it can be a turn off, but closing my own heart will only create a separation between us. While he is feeling his wound from childhood, he is looking for approval or love. When we shut down, we become his mother who is disappointed and denying him love in that moment.
Can we choose to not judge him and allow him the opportunity to remember who he is? He needs to take care of himself, feel his own love inside, instead of waiting for someone else or us to fix him and make it better. Connecting to our open heart creates a wonderful reflection. When he is not connected to his self-worth, I try hard to remember who he is because in the moment he doesn't.

I have found myself feeling my needy or bad little girl at times, when a man disregarded me and triggered negative emotions. I felt unloved or not good enough and this lie of self-doubt would create an unsafeness with him.

More from YourTango: YOU ARE AMAZING

When a woman finds herself in this place she might want the man to fix her or take care of her. Her lack of self-worth might be triggered because she feels his disappointment or anger. This behavior is a turn-off to men and they may shut down or emotionally leave. There may not be a safe place for truth, intimacy or making love. The little girl inside is looking for her father’s love. Most men get tired of fathering their partners. In some cases a man might enjoy this role because it makes him feel good, or he enjoys the power that control gives him. This is also unattractive and a turn-off in any relationship. Instead of abandoning his partner emotionally, he could create a safe place for her to feel her fears. The woman must make it clear that she is not his mother when he asks for emotional support. The man is not  her father. While she is vulnerable and in fear, respect and honor is what all women deserve. 

Can we all connect to truth and celebrate safe love betwee us all.  When we are triggered, can we breathe deeply and not see them as our mother or father, instead, use the experience to hold the emotions triggered and don't abandon ourselves. Breathing will keep us connected to the present and the fear or unloving feeling will slowly dessolve.

More from YourTango: Look In The Mirror

The Inner Workout: A Visualization Meditation for the Inner Relationship

Connect with your inner child …
be the loving parent to him/her.
Connect with your full heart …
feel your extraordinary SELF.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Colleen Hoffman Smith


Colleen Hoffman Smith

The Inner Workout - The Bridge To Emotional Freedom

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Location: Mississauga, ON, Canada
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Breathe in the word amazing without ego, knowing this for yourself. You Are Amazing Just The Way You are! (inspired by Bruno Mars) Can you connect to all that you are in this amazing moment. When we are processing our experiences we have with our closed heart feeling the discomfort with negative thoughts, we are amazing when we ... Read more

Look In The Mirror


 Have you released the past pain created by relationships that have ended? Have you let go of the ones who have hurt you, abandoned you or disappointed you?   Look in the mirror and ask yourself these questions… Was I or am I valued?  Do I value myself? Was I or am I respected?  Do I respect myself? Who makes me feel ... Read more

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I tip toe quietly into the deep space within this moment.  It expands far beyond my consciousness.  I am aware that I feel calm, joy woven with peace today.  The excitement of my future is dancing around this present moment. It is like the vastness of this gulf of water I sit beside.  I cannot see to the other side, yet I know the goodness ... Read more

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