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You Are Not My Mother Or My Father!

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You Are Not My Mother Or My Father!
Take care of yourself emotionally and grow up! No one should have to fix you or control you.

It fascinates me to see how we all dance in relationship in similar ways. Aspects of every love story break-up or dysfunction can be recognized in our own lives.
I have experienced my heart shutting down when a man in my life behaves like the little boy, needy for love, or the bad little boy, guilty and afraid that he will not be loved. Yes, it can be a turn off, but closing my own heart will only create a separation between us. While he is feeling his wound from childhood, he is looking for approval or love. When we shut down, we become his mother who is disappointed and denying him love in that moment.
Can we choose to not judge him and allow him the opportunity to remember who he is? He needs to take care of himself, feel his own love inside, instead of waiting for someone else or us to fix him and make it better. Connecting to our open heart creates a wonderful reflection. When he is not connected to his self-worth, I try hard to remember who he is because in the moment he doesn't.

I have found myself feeling my needy or bad little girl at times, when a man disregarded me and triggered negative emotions. I felt unloved or not good enough and this lie of self-doubt would create an unsafeness with him.
 

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When a woman finds herself in this place she might want the man to fix her or take care of her. Her lack of self-worth might be triggered because she feels his disappointment or anger. This behavior is a turn-off to men and they may shut down or emotionally leave. There may not be a safe place for truth, intimacy or making love. The little girl inside is looking for her father’s love. Most men get tired of fathering their partners. In some cases a man might enjoy this role because it makes him feel good, or he enjoys the power that control gives him. This is also unattractive and a turn-off in any relationship. Instead of abandoning his partner emotionally, he could create a safe place for her to feel her fears. The woman must make it clear that she is not his mother when he asks for emotional support. The man is not  her father. While she is vulnerable and in fear, respect and honor is what all women deserve. 

Can we all connect to truth and celebrate safe love betwee us all.  When we are triggered, can we breathe deeply and not see them as our mother or father, instead, use the experience to hold the emotions triggered and don't abandon ourselves. Breathing will keep us connected to the present and the fear or unloving feeling will slowly dessolve.

More from YourTango: Look In The Mirror


The Inner Workout: A Visualization Meditation for the Inner Relationship

Connect with your inner child …
be the loving parent to him/her.
Connect with your full heart …
feel your extraordinary SELF.

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Article contributed by
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Colleen Hoffman Smith

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Colleen Hoffman Smith

The Inner Workout - The Bridge To Emotional Freedom

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Location: Mississauga, ON, Canada
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