13 Relationship Types you may regognize and what you can learn from them!
1. The Unavailable Relationship
In an unavailable relationship, your partner doesn’t show up, doesn’t call and is never there, unless he or she wants something or it suits their agenda. In this relationship you may feel the disappointment of always waiting for the other person to appear, and no matter how many times you talk to them about not showing up their behavior doesn’t change. They aren’t available for themselves so they create this experience within and for their partner.
Recognize that you may be unavailable to yourself. Are you taking the time to be with you? Are you feeling your open heart? Can you respect yourself and say, “This isn’t good enough?” Are you staying in the relationship but feeling like you’re talking to a wall, repeating the same communication over and over? The void you feel in this experience is the memory of the relationship you may have had with your mother/ father or both, because they were busy and did not choose to love.
Be available to yourself and show up for you. Don’t settle for crumbs. Say, “This is not what I want!! It’s not what my soul yearns for. How will I grow personally if I am stuck?” Use this relationship to stand up for what you deserve and allow your self-worth to grow. Empower yourself by saying, “This is not good enough.” Inspire the other person by showing them how to do it differently.
You may be creating a busy life for yourself because you don’t want to feel your void, the emptiness or the density of suppressed past hurt.
Be available to yourself! We can become so dis-connected from our own source of love that we surrender our power, creating a very uncomfortable experience. In that way, we give others power over us to control how we feel.
IT IS NOT THEIR LOVE
IT IS OUR LOVE THAT WE FEEL.
EACH RELATIONSHIP IS THE OPPORTUNITY
TO LOVE MORE
OR LOVE LESS
If you find you are waiting for someone to show up or call, take this time and connect to what it brings up for you. Be the one to show up for yourself and this will attract the one who knows how to show up for you. If you wait for someone to give you the attention or love, you may be disappointed.
2. The Lonely Relationship
We can feel lonely even when we are in a relationship. Take, for example, the husband who is a workaholic in his career and fills up his life with work. The wife is unpresent in the relationship when her husband comes home because she is giving all of her attention to the children. She may be tired or busy and there is no space for the husband or time for intimacy with him. They both feel lonely and disconnected; they feel their void of love in the relationship and in themselves.
Alone can be beautiful! When we are in relationships we need time to be alone, time with ourselves. If this becomes all the time, however, then we’re not participating with each other. There is a difference between feeling lonely and being alone. If you feel lonely in the relationship, then consider how you’re not attracting what your soul needs to feel alive. The choices you might make if you depend on someone else to fill your loneliness could continue to attract a lonely life if you are only connected to that part in you that is needy for love, afraid of being alone or lonely.
3. Separate Bedrooms… Separate Lives
Some couples have separated so much within the relationship that they have absolutely no desire to be together; they don’t even like each other. They haven’t had a chance to move beyond the issues that trigger each other, leaving the relationship unfulfilling. I’ve had some clients who lived that way until they woke up and said, “I do want more. I do want to have a fulfilling relationship.” In a separated relationship, without intimacy, they may look outside for love, living inauthentically with their partner.
4. The Shut-Down Relationship
One or both are shut down, reflecting a closed heart because neither wants to project the pain. They think that not saying anything and shutting down their heart is going to protect the other person and protect themselves. This creates a wall around the heart and a barrier in the relationship. One of the partners needs to find their way to their open heart and inspire the other. If the other person doesn’t take responsibility to let go of their anger or resentment, the closed heart will eventually shut down the relationship.
Some men have learned the shut-down, perhaps from their father or mother, or both parents – and this was their first experience of relationship. A woman may recognize that her partner is shut down because she witnessed her mother or father live it.
We cannot open the other person, we can only open ourselves. Our inspiration and loving open heart can be the example.
5. The Angry Relationship
Projecting or acting out anger is toxic.
Some people suppress their anger all day
long, wearing an inauthentic mask, and
then come home to project anger on their family. Some people say, “My partner is always angry” yet their behavior is pleasant. They suppress their anger.
We all have anger. How do we take care of it? Do we suppress it or project it? Either way is inappropriate. An angry relationship could look like this: one person projects their anger, the other person shuts down and shoves aside their anger, feeling the resentment, until one day the one who is suppressed explodes because they can’t contain it any longer. Do we give our anger to our children or partners?
We need to take care of our anger in a healthy way. Our children learn this explosive anger dance from their experience growing up. Some people think that anger is okay to project, but it is