My life experiences connecting me to my emotions are really no different than anyone else's, just dressed up in details unique to me. The process of experiencing all the parts of my self with another person has been my greatest gift. With each person in my life who has mirrored my light and love, it has been an easy relationship. The tough ones, those that have reflected my lack of love, self-doubt, fear, anger, separation and resentment, are the relationships that have taught me the most about myself. My need for love attracted the kind of men who ended up controlling and manipulating me to fill their own void and lack of self-love.
Today, as I remember my past, I feel the difference in my whole body. Who I was in relationship then is totally different than who I am now. I now see that I struggled because I was not living with the truth of who I really was. I blamed others for my unhappiness. I had become inauthentic over the years because I controlled my feelings and others in order to be comfortable. I controlled with love. I gave love to fill people up so that they would be happy and I withdrew love when I was hurt or things didn't go the way I wanted.
I found a way to let go of my resentment and unloving experiences. I found peace and became more authentic and attractive. This life process The Inner Workout took me to a place within that allowed me to take responsibility, stop blaming my relationships and forgive my past, so that I could live with an open heart.
I looked for love everywhere, in people and things, in successes and accomplishments, in all the wrong places...dark places. I thought I'd found love in different corners of the world...and one day I finally found it and it was inside me!
I remember a day years ago when I was walking on the beach, feeling my desire for partnership. I looked over as the sun was setting and I saw a man and woman who had to be in their 90's, dressed in evening attire...she was in a gown and he was in a tuxedo. As the sunset inflamed the beach and calmed the waters, this beautiful, beloved couple waltzed to their inner music. What a magical sight as I sat alone with my hope and watched them dance. They ignited my desire and I knew that was what I wanted...to grow old with someone and dance on the beach of my life. I felt the beloved connection with me and this loving couple on the beach was the reflection of the beloved experience in relationship. A few months later, I met my husband and dance partner Bruce!
Seeing beloved- ness can inspire us as we see examples in a tangible form, not just as a dream or illusion. To experience it, know it in ourselves and see it in someone else can be a constant reminder of what we desire in our life.
Dance on the Beach of Your Life!.