Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

24 Hours & The Gift Of A Second Chance


A day in a life with Mary and a chance to do it differently.




Mary's Personal Bio

 Born March 1966
Mother-disappointed, withdrawn, depressed
Father-angry, controlling with drinking problem
Mary never felt good enough.

Bio: Assistant editor for a major Home Magazine.
Husband Mike, Advertising Executive
Married 15 years, two kids, Maggie 12, Neil 10
Lives in town house, suburbs of Boston

Tuesday, March 10, 2012 – Mary’s talking mind…

6:00 am The alarm clock triggered the morning and anxieties closed my heart.

6:30 am My husband Mike rolls out of bed with no warmth or acknowledgment. He heads right to his computer…I say good morning and I feel negativity in my heart. We don’t’ talk anymore…

7:00 am No time to be with the kids…they get their own cereal…I hurry them out of the house…yelling from the top of the stairs.

7:45 am Driving them to the bus stop I feel agitation building as the kids argue about nothing important. I lose it, sharing my disappointment in them…they jump out at the bus stop.

8:00 am While feeling guilt about my projection of anger, I find my way to the racetrack highway that sucks me into the morning road rage.
Stress builds as I listen to news of gang violence on the radio…Emotional toxicity pollutes our world.

8:30 am As I take the elevator to my office I feel uncomfortable with the people around me…they all feel like strangers…silence speaks.
My life is sad…I have anger and resentment in me…passion for living is gone.
As I walked to my office, I could feel my fear of the day ahead of me. I am late and my boss gives me a look of disapproval. He is angry and controlling and his intimidation takes up a lot of space.
I sat at my desk and felt my self-doubt knocking on the door.

9:00 am Out from nowhere my boss pounces in and criticizes a project that I had put my heart and soul into. I felt disrespected and overwhelmed…I promised him a revised package in 24 hours.

9:30 am –12:30 pm I took out my conflict with my assistant and became critical…disregarding her lunch, I pushed her all day to accomplish the deadline.

12:30 am My lunch was a venting session with my girlfriend…releasing my rage and judgment about my boss.

1:30 – 6:30 pm I didn’t have time for a drink of water, let alone to breathe!

6:30 pm Carrying my full briefcase home, I picked up some fast food telling the kids to fend for themselves…they love eating in front of the TV.

7:30 pm When my daughter asked for help with homework, I snapped at her.
My son needed a hug, I brushed him off quickly, “I have so much work to do”.

9:00 pm My husband came home…late as usual, drinking again…he was no help to me and spoke rudely when I greeted him with a closed heart.

9:30 pm Tucking the kids in…they were already asleep. I grabbed a bag of chips and filled my emptiness as I finished the project with resentment.

11:00 pm I fell into bed exhausted…before my eyes closed a tear released pain from my heart, “I am sick and tired of my life struggles…I feel lonely. How can I find happiness?”

11:00 pm – 6:00 am
Mary’s Dream....

Sleep came in on the wings of peace, I opened to a world I have dreamed of. The air had a calmness, I could breathe fully into the present moment. I was drawn to a woman who had an inner strength about her. I couldn’t make out her face…such warmth and peace. Every insight she spoke moved through me as truth. In silence I felt acceptance and had no fear. Her eyes were of love.

I could feel heaviness in my heart. Reaching out to me, she placed a gift in my hand, I rested it on my heart. I felt like a sponge as I absorbed truth that changed my perception. It was like a switch was turned on in me and I was different. We sat under a blossoming tree and she shared a visualization exercise that would become my inner support system. This Goddess inspired me with my purpose, career, family and relationships. I released my emotional pain…information moved into my veins like a blood transfusion. I could feel my self-worth strengthen.

I entered a doorway, looking over my shoulder…the light shone bright on the woman’s face…she was me. The opening took me back to relive the past day…

March 10, 2012

6:00 am The alarm clock triggered the morning, I took the time to feel my anxieties and I greeted the beautiful sunrise.
I reached over to my husband and kissed him good morning. As I showered and dressed I felt the challenges of my day and then remembered the gift…seeing the opportunities ahead.

6:30 am My husband shared with me his worries about his job, I held the space as he felt his fear. I looked at him with eyes of love and told him that I respected his choices.
Family breakfast was great, I felt so present with everyone’s plans and chatter.
I encouraged the kids to get moving and our drive to the bus stop included Neil’s jokes and solving a girlfriend issue with Maggie.

8:00 am I could feel love for my children as I drove off. The busy highway allowed a great time to listen to a few tapes…I loved the trip inside me as I made my way through the traffic.

8:30 am In the elevator I greeted my co-workers, interested in getting to know them. As I walked to my office I could feel my fears…I put my hand on my heart and remembered the gift. When my boss gave me his piercing look, I smiled calmly…feeling my self-worth strong.

9:00 am My boss opened my door with his critical voice…I said, “I appreciate your feedback but I don’t like how you project your anger.”
For the first time, I felt my boss respected me…we had a productive meeting. I took responsibility for important points I had missed and he showed me the strong parts of the presentation that he thought was very powerful.  I know now that he can be a great mentor for me. Our communication together was clear and honoring.

9:30 am– 12:30 pm I could see that he was under pressure, I had compassion. I told him that I would re-vamp the project within the week. We were open to each other’s ideas. It felt good!

12:30 pm I invited my assistant to join me for lunch, we discussed the new deadline. I wanted her to know how much I appreciated her. We make a great team.

1:30 pm I felt so connected and my afternoon flowed…accomplishing so much, I didn’t have to bring work home and compromise family time.

5:30 pm I had time to go to the gym and pick up healthy groceries for dinner. While I was driving home my husband called and said he would pick up the kids.

6:00 pm When I arrived home I could feel my joy and the kids ran up to greet me.

6:30 pm Mike and I made dinner together, we enjoyed family time. Neil talked about a conflict at school…I asked him how he felt. He felt angry and his dad shared with him an experience just like his, involving a bully. I shared how I don’t see my boss that way any longer…I stood up for myself today, feeling respected.

9:00 pm Mike and I tucked the kids into bed together telling them how proud we were of both of them.  We prayed together and each one of us shared our blessings of the day.

9:30pm While in the bath I took time to feel any anxieties of the day…I put my hand on my heart and felt the gift…

10:00pm I lit some candles in our room and Mike and I opened our hearts, intimately talking about struggles and successes of our day. Our relationship deepened as we held each other in our arms, feeling gratitude.

                               Wednesday March 11, 2012

                                               6:00 am

                           Mary woke up to her life worth living!


Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.