When all you see are couples cuddling and planning Valentine's dates, do you feel left out?
Do you ever feel pressured to be with some one for Valentines Day when in your heart of hearts you are really ok with being alone?
I recently did a reading for a woman who was really down on herself. Why? Because all of her friends are in long term relationships and married and she is still single. As we continued to talk, she began to pour out her heart.
Stacie, not her real name, was really content being single but she had the bad habit of comparing herself to her married friends. Even though her life was working, she could still be pulled into the illusion that living a different way would make her happier. Desperate Debbie & 9 More Women That Turn Men Off
Helping her shift her perspective reminded me of my own experiences comparing myself to others. No matter how many times my friends and family reassured me that I had been blessed with unique qualities and how gifted and talented I was, I could never stop comparing myself to others.
At first I didn’t realize that by seeing others as better than me that I was putting myself down. It took time but eventually I learned that demeaning myself always breaks my connection with the Divine.
Think about it, the Divine created quirky wonderful you and sealed a seed of love in the core of your being. And, last time I checked, the Divine is a stellar designer.
When you criticize yourself, you turn from the Truth, that you are a priceless and precious being on the journey of a life time. Mapping out your route with the information you learn here or in the Map will always turn you inward which is where the action is always. 7 Reasons You're Not Married Yet
So what’s the problem?
As a “Comparaholic” in recovery, I can promise you that comparing creeps up on you in the sneakiest ways. It’s bad enough to look around the old school way, seeing friends and neighbors acquire more money, bigger houses or career opportunities.
Now we have reality TV and the Housewives of Desperate County flaunting lifestyles that, fake as they are, influence peoples’ views of their own lives. And Valentine’s Day is always the hardest time of year to keep your eyes on your own life.
In the Heart Dynamix™ module of The Master Intuitive Coach® Institute training, I teach practical tools and sure-fire methods I have learned to bring your inner world and outer world into congruence when it comes to Love but for now.....
Remember, it is a natural human tendency to want to compare and there are benefits, that is why accountability partners are so remarkable in creating forward momentum. When you are comparing your completed to do list with your another’s, that is powerful magic.
Everyone has an ego, and the wounded part of that ego acts out of anger, fear and separateness. I call that part that is solely identified with your wound- the Goblin. If your Goblin distracts you by directing your thoughts toward what others have that you don’t, you stop thinking about what you DO want and all momentum stops.
The Goblin likes you paralyzed...you are easier to keep an eye on.
In matters of the heart, comparisons are wicked. From the earliest years of innocent flirtations all the way through relationships, breakups and transitions, each event and experience imprints itself on your inner emotional landscape.
Once I realized the Goblin was only trying to protect me by reminding me of its own identity, pointing out my core issues over and over, I couldn't deny them anymore. That bit of wisdom changed my life and when I stopped denying that part of myself and surrendered to what was, I was able to finally get out of denial about my issues and began to heal.
Soon I met Marc and this year we are celebrating our 10th Valentine’s Day together. I see now that the faster I catch myself slipping into comparing, the better I can rebound energetically and get refocused on what it is that I am currently committed to seeing through.
If you are ok being single, that is your business. If you feel pressured about being single at Valentine’s Day, here is an exercise to see if your Goblin is stirring things up for you right now.
Sit comfortably with your eyes closed. Breathe deeply and focus on the movement of your chest and belly as you relax. Allow yourself to settle into a peaceful spot in your imagination. A favorite vacation spot or childhood home may be a good place to start.
As you experience being in this place alone, ask yourself internally, “What do I notice about being alone here?” Sit quietly and listen. See if you are aware of any sounds? Is there a breeze blowing? What time of day is it?
Next, ask yourself this, “What value is there in being alone?” Breathe and listen. Lastly, ask one more question: “What is the easiest way for me to remember to come to this inner haven when I am tempted to feel less than others?”
The secret to relaxing enough to attract true love is to accept that you are always going to be able to find someone who is, has or does something better than you. When you feel less than or lacking when it comes to finding love, simply catching yourself thinking in that way is a huge step in the right direction.
Love is found from a sense of self worth and wholeness. Once you see yourself complete as you are, love comes to find its reflection as if by magic. Seek Spirit to help you return to your own heart...where all the answers lie.
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