My new book, Date Night Conversations: Recapture the Magic with Great Couple’s Communication Tools is now published. The following is an excerpt with a sample exercise to help you remember what is already good about your relationship.
Often times when couples have been stuck in a struggle, patterns of negativity, or lack of connection they forget why they got together in the first place. It can be very helpful to stop and remember and reflect on what those qualities are that you saw in one another. It is also helpful to name the things you do like about your partner and your relationship. What you focus on grows stronger so don’t spend all your energy focusing on what annoys you or what you want to change about your partner. Spend some time talking about what is good, what is working, what you love about each other, and what you want to build on. In this chapter you will find three worksheets or sets of questions. Don’t try to get through them all in one sitting but use them to provoke a series of self-reflections and conversations.
1. Describe a high point experience in your marriage, a time when you were most alive and engaged.
2. Without being modest, what is it that you most value about yourself, and your contribution to marriage?
3. What is it you most value about your partner and his/her contribution to the marriage?
4. What are the core factors that give life to your marriage, without which the marriage would cease to exist?
I encourage you to actually take some time to answer these questions and give them some serious thought. Ask your spouse to do the same and then set up a date to discuss them. I think you will be surprised at how quickly a simply exercise like this can shift your perspective and remind you how much you really do care. Please don’t let today’s frustration distract you from the bigger picture or cause you to forget what is really important. To access more great exercises, grab a copy of the book today.
P.S. If you do not own a Kindle you can download a free Kindle reader for your PC or a Kindle app for your mobile device.