A friend sent me an article a couple of weeks ago called "The 6 Best Excuses for Backing Out of a Date." She was appalled and I was too. I hear over and over again from clients: "no one is honest."
If you can't tell the truth and don't have the "balls" to be candid, maybe you shouldn't be dating (that is true for men and women). If you find yourself stretching the truth, please ask yourself the question — "Am I really ready to be out dating or in a relationship?" I'd say "No."
As a society, have we succumbed to giving each other excuses about how to break a date? It's ridiculous! People are stronger that you think, and in general, appreciate honesty. Are you not getting upset yourself, when you are being lied to? And understandably so.
The reason people enjoyed dating me is because they knew I'd be straight with them no matter what and no matter how difficult. The other day I was coaching a client, and she mentioned that one of the things she wanted is someone who is "compassionately honest." I took notice of these words: There is a way to communicate with someone if you are not interested in them — and that brings in "compassionately." Yes, it can be hard, in fact there was a time when I was shaking picking up the phone and delivering bad news to someone who liked me, but I didn't like him in a romantic way. If you don't want to go out on a date with someone then…
- Don't give them your phone number in the first place
- Let them know you like someone else more (if that's the case)
- Have the courage to call them and explain you are not interested
- Don't text them — honor yourself and honor them — and give them a call
Please be a part of the solution. Dating is hard enough, let's bring some "compassionate honesty" to each other. It will also make you a better relationship partner when you DO find that wonderful click with someone.
Suzanne Muller-Heinz believes every person is capable of being in a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It just requires some new skills. She's the author of Loveable: 21 Practices for Being in a Loving & Fulfilling Relationship. If you're a woman ready to discover what's really possible for you, grab your free gift, What Every Women Should Know About Men or visit happylivingforever.com.
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