Is romance just about sex?


Is romance just about sex?

Romance. That one word causes our minds to think of all kinds of things. For those of us that are married we might think of pleasant memories of romance when we first met and started dating our spouse. Those memories of fun things we did together that may or may not include sex. But, what about today? What does that word mean to you right now. Does it make you feel happy, sexy, are you having pleasant and passionate thoughts related to your spouse? Or does it make you feel disappointed? Have you convinced yourself that those days are over?

So why is it that so many married couples stop being romantic after they are married? Why do couples stop pursuing each other emotionally and erotically? It seems that many couples allow their lives to be absorbed with work, kids, money issues, and all the other things that happen in life and we allow the relationship with our spouse to be put on the back burner. When we become overloaded and overwhelmed we start cutting back on the time invested our marriage. Consequently, our marriage suffers in all areas including emotionally, socially, intellectually, our communication, and our sex life. We allow our connections to be short circuited and it pulls the joy right out of our marriage.

More from YourTango: What Are Your Sex Expectations?

I heard it said once that intimacy can exist without marriage, but it is impossible for a healthy marriage to exist without intimacy. So where are you today? Does your spouse really know you? Do you know your spouse? Are each of you showing you care about what you know about each other? It is easy to live together but not know each other. Do you know your spouses dreams, goals, desires, wants, passions, feelings, fears, and goals in life. Do you even know specifics such as their dream vacation, dream job, favorite music, or even their sexual desires?

Determine to take the time starting today to know your spouse and let him or her know you. But don't stop there, as you know your spouse do things for them that show them you really care about what you know.

You want better sex in your marriage? Of course you do! I encourage you to work on strengthening your friendship and other intimacy needs in your marriage and your sex life will move from just having sex to experiencing real sexual intimacy. If you have stopped pursuing your spouse, start back today. Marriage doesn't have to become boring but is can be fun and exciting even in the midst of all the madness of life.

More from YourTango: Marriage Research Survey

Sex is part of romance but it is not all of romance

I will talk about that in my next article.

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