Don't hit send before you read this.
As a dating coach for women, I get loads of emails from women who are confused by the mixed signals men send, especially about texting. For example, you meet a guy online who wants to text all day and night, but he never asks to meet you. Or maybe you've had one date with a guy that went really well.
Either way, he then resorts to texting ... without asking you out again. What's up with that?
The examples above present two separate issues. While texting can be a lot of fun, to build a true relationship you need to spend quality time with a new man. Texting is a supplement to your other communication options, but it simply cannot replace those romantic face-to-face visits.
Here are the two issues you might face, and how you should deal with them:
1. He texts you, but doesn't ask to meet you.
Let's say you connect with an interesting man online. You go from emailing to texting with some very fun exchanges. The conversation is creative, funny and exciting. Days go by, and sometimes weeks. He talks about getting together, but he never actually asks you out.
This is a problem. Texting without meeting and dating is just words and nothing more. Some men enjoy these interactions and get their fill of feminine energy without ever needing to date you. Some men build a stable of texting buddies to boost their egos. Others try to keep lots of women on the line while they decide if they want to meet any of them.
Don't fall into this trap. If he doesn't ask to talk on the phone and then meet you within 10 days, you have a couple of choices: You can stop answering his texts and move on. Or you can suggest talking on the phone and then meeting to see if there's chemistry.
This is the only time I agree with a woman asking a man out, but your first date isn't a real date. It's more like a meeting to see if there will be a first date as you check each other out. So no harm done about taking over the lead.
You can cut to the chase and figure out guys who are just texters and aren't serious. That’s a good thing because you want to weed out the guys who aren't potential mates.
2. He texts you after one date, but doesn't ask for a second.
In this case, he did meet you but now has reverted to texting and maybe calling. However, no dates are on the horizon. He might even talk about getting together but never asks you out again. This is a man who has decided you aren't the one for him. You probably feed his ego, so he keeps up the flirting and texting because it makes him feel good.
The problem is that you're investing your precious time in a man who has no plans to date you. The best thing to do is to stop responding to his texts or calls. It's your job to weed out the men who aren't serious to see who has the potential for long-term love.
But one thing I know for sure is that when a man is genuinely interested in you, he will ask you out. He'll want to see you. No matter what he has going on, he will fit you into his schedule. Recognize that these texts are meaningless and move on to find a man who wants to see your beautiful face in person.
Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan is the author of Is He the One? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong which radically simplifies understanding men. Get more dating wisdom in her free book: 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single.