Why Dating Your Polar Opposite Could Be Good For You

Don’t cross him off your list yet! Compatibility is about more than common interests and hobbies.

By Ronnie Ann Ryan — Written on Jul 24, 2013

Why Dating Your Polar Opposite Could Be Good For You

According to the Business Standard, a new study by online dating site Canoodle.com claims shared interests and hobbies are crucial for finding a compatible mate, and they even recommend rooting out these common interests on a first date. I disagree whole-heartedly as a dating coach for women with 11 years of experience!

There is so much more to compatibility than if you both like skiing or prefer conservative politics. Check out these five predictors and see if you and a potential partner might be a good romantic match beyond the surface interests.

Bio-rhythms. If you like to sleep to 11 a.m. and your partner wakes at dawn, it can be a deal breaker. Unless one of you is willing to entertain yourself while waiting for the other to rise, it's better to have a similar bio-rhythm (in other words, your innate body clock). This helps you share the same eating and sleeping schedule.
Basic values. The two of you need to hold similar basic values about telling the truth, doing the right thing (whatever that may be), social conduct and more to predict how you will get along. If you follow the letter of the law, while your partner hasn't paid taxes in seven years, for example, that's a sure sign you're not aligned on basic values.
Sociability. You love to be social and go out with friends. He's a quiet homebody who requires time alone. You can bridge this gap, but it is something to think about for how well you might enjoy the same way of life.
Communication. Can you talk things out to resolve problems? Communication ranks very high for compatibility and lasting love. In addition, being a good listener often makes your partner feel respected, heard and loved—which is why communication skills are essential. You simply cannot know this on the first date, and that's a good reason not to write someone off immediately.
Compromise. When two people get together, compromise is a must. Everything can't be just one way. Sometimes you take turns winning, but other times you'll both need to give in to come to an agreement. If your date shows signs of rigidity, think twice about how well he'll compromise.

If you tend to write off a guy quickly, I encourage you to give more men at least a second date. I have known my husband for 15 years. When we met, it was clear we didn't have much in common. We are polar opposites with different family backgrounds and education. He loves tractors, composting and old tools. I thrive on creativity, spirituality and theatre. Yet, he seemed nice enough so I gave him a chance.

More dating advice from YourTango:

Turns out we are a great pair! We share a similar view of the world, enjoy each other's sense of humor and benefit from well synced bio-rhythms which makes vacationing and weekends go smoothly. Sometimes the little things in life are what make you happy and compatible.

Here's a plus about my love being different than me: he tempers my Type A personality. I'm always in a hurry to get from point A to B, but my husband takes the long way home to see the sunset over the water. I've learned a lot from him and enjoy the differences which have enriched my life.

The point is that having hobbies in common could be nice, but might not be the best predictor of compatibility on a first date. Think beyond kayaking and country music to figure out if a guy has potential. There is much to be gained from dating your opposite as you discover new things to enjoy in a loving partnership that can last a lifetime.