You wouldn't stop shopping just because you can't find your size right away, right?
If you are a single woman who is struggling to find the right men to date, this post about my recent experience at T.J.Maxx will help you notice and consider more men as potential. Sounds crazy? Not really, as a dating coach for women, I see similarities to dating in almost everything.
This weekend, I went shopping in search of black pants. I had a pair that I loved, but lost a few pounds over the summer and now they are too big. I can't live without black pants. Everything goes with black! So, off to my favorite store — T. J. Maxx. Yes, I am a Maxxanista! Normally I love flipping through the racks at TJs. The racks are long and packed full of options. Most are not right — they are the wrong size, styles, cut, color, fabric, etc. Some are fabulous, but sadly the wrong size. When I'm lucky, there are a couple options in my size, but not always.
Many Styles Won’t Be Right – Many Men Won’t Be Right
So, as a dating coach for women, this is one way that shopping at T.J. Maxx is like dating after 50 (or at any age). Many of the men you meet (like pants you try on), whether you find them through online dating, singles dances or out at the bars, are not right or what you're looking for. They don't have the qualities you are seeking in a romantic partner. This is to be expected. It takes a certain type of guy to satisfy your needs and be a compatible partner, right?
Then, there are those guys who seem ideal. They hit all the right buttons, but they still aren't a good fit because you can't capture their attention, or they're too aloof, dating other women, commitment phobes, players, etc. This is like finding that great pair of pants in your size area, but they are a size 4 when you wear an 8.
Try on a Different Size Or Date a Different Type
Before going further, I have to admit I don't wear a popular small size. I wear a 16 which is really hit or miss at TJ's. Now if I were a size 8, I'd have loads of choices. But, not the case here. This particular shopping trip, the store didn't have any 16s! What? How could that be? But the stock topped out at size 14 and I don't wear a 14. Not a chance.
Then I spotted a pair of Calvin Klein black pants. They were exactly what I wanted, but a size 14. Oh no! Looking at them longingly, I started to wonder if they might fit. Was I crazy? I don't wear a 14! What the heck — I threw them in my basket and headed off to the dressing room. The outrageous and exciting news is — they fit! Now, what does this have to do with dating after 50? Sometimes men can surprise you, too. Sometimes a man could be a wonderful fit if you take the chance to stretch your mind about what is possible and give him a try.
Not all size 14 pants are cut the same as I can happily attest to by my new Calvin Kleins. And not all men are the same either. You have to give each one a chance — just like trying on pants at T. J. Maxx. You'll never know if you don't try.
Take a Risk to Find the Right Pants or the Right Man to Love
So, the next time you meet a man who doesn't wow you or you think he might be a stretch, have a glass of wine or cup of coffee with him anyway. That's just like deciding to try on a pair of pants that normally would never fit. It takes a little time and effort, but the rewards could be great when dating after 50 or at any age. The result could be that you could find a pair of pants you love and a man you love too.
Are you an over 40 woman struggling to find love? As a dating coach for women 40+, I provide proven dating methods that have helped thousands. Get more tips in my FREE book 5 Big Turnoffs That Drive Men Away. Let me help you find love with the right man and avoid the many potential pitfalls along the way.
More dating coach advice on YourTango:
- How I Became An Online Dating Coach
- 8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know
- Dating After Divorce? 3 Pitfalls To Avoid
This article was originally published at It's Never Too Late for Love . Reprinted with permission from the author.