Think Again: Why You Shouldn't Ask Him Out


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Even if he's always flirting with you, here are five reasons not to chase him.

There's this man you know who flirts with you often. Maybe every time you see him. You can tell he likes you. So how come he doesn't ask you out? This makes you wonder if you should take the bull by the horns and simply ask him out. There is equality between the genders today so why not right?

Disclaimer: While the idea of asking a man out seems harmless, I don't recommend it to my clients as a dating coach. My clients are women mostly over 40.  If you are under 30, I'm going to admit that things might be different. Society is changing slowly. But this particular dating advice about asking men out is meant for women of a different generation who are 40+.


My Dating Advice Is Don't Ask Him Out
Are you surprised? I have several very good reasons for this advice:

1. Almost all dating experts agree, if a man is interested, he will ask you out

2. Just because a man flirts with you, doesn't mean he wants to date you

3. Just because a man finds you attractive, doesn't mean he wants to date you

4. Just because a man wants to sleep with you, doesn’t mean he wants to be in relationship with you

5. He may be flattered or think you'll sleep with him, but that doesn't mean he wants to date you

I have seen each one of these scenarios played out with my dating coaching clients. I know women who have asked out the men who flirted relentlessly with them. They discovered that while the guy liked flirting, it didn't translate into more and were embarrassed when turned down. Men who like to flirt do it because it feels good, and it's …fun! Flirting with you made him feel attractive and energized as it did for you as well most likely.

But his flirting doesn't directly indicate his romantic, long-term interest. And the same is true for being attracted to you. Attraction is not a sign of romantic potential, just sexual chemistry. Men want to flirt and sleep with you, but not necessarily want to date you or enter into a loving relationship. You can understand that right?

Lastly, I have worked with enough men as a dating coach to know that men can be very flattered and excited by your advances. When you ask him out, you are going to pique his curiosity. He may also think his chances of "getting lucky" with you are excellent.

It's Science: The Approach Backfires
In fact, there was a study done by Rutgers University that surveyed college-aged boys. They were asked how they felt about a girl asking them out. Most boys stated they liked it because it made things easier for them. But in the end, the boys also admitted that they rather do the asking. Remember, these are boys who were 18-22 who grew up with all the equality between the sexes that we enjoy today.

Check this out! For the boys who went out with girls who did the asking, they ended up getting "lucky" less than guys who did the asking. The reason? Boys who were asked out thought they didn't have to do anything — the girl obviously already liked them. So they assumed sleeping together would be easy and did nothing to "woo" the girls or win them over. This approached backfired big time.

These are the reasons why I don't think it's worthwhile asking men out. If these men had any intention of winning you over, they know exactly what steps to take. It starts with a simple first date.

He Likes It When A Woman Will Ask Him Out.
Okay, so what about the Renaissance guys who like it when a woman asks them out? Here's what I've discovered about these guys.

There are two types:

Type #1: This guy is not a leader. He's happy to follow a strong woman who has well developed masculine energy. He prefers to let a woman lead so he doesn't have to think, be decisive or take many risks. Most successful women don’t appreciate this kind of guy because they want a man who is there "equal" — usually a decisive business leader. However, these men are good people and can make loving, loyal mates.

Type #2: This guy is curious and flattered. If he decides he likes you, he will take over the pursuit. I've met these guys at my live presentations. They stand up and announce to the world how much they enjoy a woman asking them out. Each time I meet such a man, I ask them directly how they got a second date. Everyone of them has answered the exact same way, "If  I like her, I ask her out again". Even though these men didn't ask the woman out the first time, they take the credit and take over pursuit by asking for the second date. KEEP READING ...

This article was originally published at It's Never Too Late for Love . Reprinted with permission.

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Article contributed by

Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan

Dating Coach

The Dating Coach for Women Over 40

Get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Women Make That Keep You Single here.
Author of MANifesting Mr. Right, Why Can't I Find Love and How to Sizzle Vs. Fizzle Online

Location: Milford, CT
Credentials: CCC, MBA
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
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