Online Dating Isn't Always The Problem...Could It Be You?

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Online Dating Isn't Always the Problem... Could It Be You?
Stop blaming online dating as the reason for your single status.

4. No Face-to-Face Interaction 
Online dating doesn't provide flirting opportunities and the old fashioned get-to-know you method? Sure it does! That's why you've got to get past the profile and a few emails and start meeting people! It's easy to say no to everyone—the challenge is to say yes and meet people.

I had a client who reviewed over 6,000 male profiles in six months and only found four or five men she considered datable. She managed to keep herself single and not date anyone due to her unreasonable standards. No one is perfect — not men or women. It's true that many suitors won't be right for you, but that is what dating is all about: meeting, sorting and finding "the one." If you can't find anyone online you'd like to date, I will ask you with compassion to please consider if you are being realistic about your prospects.

5. Too Many Scammers 
The author says today there are too many scammers, and shared quotes from player types who revealed their sneaky tactics to get women into bed. The truth is, women have had to deal with pickup lines for decades at singles dances or in bars. My friend got scammed by a guy in a book store. Does that mean we should never go to Barnes & Noble again?

There have always been scammers and players, and there always will be. I tell my dating coaching clients that talk is cheap, and to watch for consistency in a man's words and actions — that's how you weed out scammers/players. 

If you meet a man who starts sweet-talking, saying everything you want to hear, hold off on falling for him. Charming men may sweep you off your feet, but they also tend to drop you on your butt. You'll know you found a quality man when his words and actions are aligned. It's your job as a dater to observe any suitor before believing everything you hear.

6. Low Success Rate 
While the author points out how much of the research has been funded by the online dating sites like the most recent study by eHarmony, independent research has also shown at least 22 percent of couples found love online. That includes dating sites, chat rooms, forums, gaming social media, etc. 

I have a matchmaker friend who says his approximate success rate is 20 percent. Does that make him a bad matchmaker? No, it doesn't, because he cannot control his clients' decision-making process. I'd like to know the success rate for singles dances and Meetup.com groups, too, if we are going to put stringent requirements on these ways to meet.

What Is Really Getting in the Way?
With more than a decade interacting with thousands of single women over 40, I have learned most problems with online dating, or any way to meet men, stem from these basic issues:

  • Unresolved issues from past relationships causing a bad outlook on love or poor attitude towards men
  • Family issues and childhood trauma
  • Lack of familiarity with dating rules that have not changed for many years
  • Using business skills to connect with men rather than relying on feminine charm
  • Believing that equal rights means men and women are the same — that creates a wide array of problems
  • Not understanding single men — how they think and why they behave as they do
  • Desire for instant gratification, wishing you could quickly meet the right man without doing the dating (I know I wanted this!)
  • The idea that people should know automatically how to date without learning about it or building skills

As you can see, none of these concerns have anything to do with online dating, but each one can impede your ability to find love. Online dating is no worse than any other method to meet people — they all have pitfalls and opportunities.

My dating advice is to keep your eyes open, be smart, don't rush and believe you can find love. This is what will make it possible to connect with the right man for you. Stop blaming online dating for your single status. Look within to see where you might need healing or a shift in your thinking to open up to love and men where ever you might meet them.

Are you an over 40 woman struggling to find love online or any where? As a dating coach for women 40+, I provide proven dating methods that have helped thousands. Get more tips in my FREE book 5 Big Turnoffs That Drive Men Away. Let me help you find love with the right man and avoid the many potential pitfalls along the way.

Article contributed by

Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan

Dating Coach

The Dating Coach for Women Over 40

Get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Women Make That Keep You Single here.
Author of MANifesting Mr. Right, Why Can't I Find Love and How to Sizzle Vs. Fizzle Online

Location: Milford, CT
Credentials: CCC, MBA
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
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